On Aug 4, 2021, I finished serving my 13.5 month sentence for the first public revision of The Black Book. On June 29, 2022, it reached what is hopefully not its final revision. The willingness and desire to not only retain but even intensify the extreme and unwavering severity of my position if Kimi won't spend her life with me properly was only fortified by the experience. Think this is a joke?! Think again!!
» Formal warning of retribution. Provides core evidence & more detail on why I may end up doing quantum energy harvesting meditation intensely in isolation & exacting The Great Retribution.

The International Ultimatum


Kimi Park, I'm really happy that I showed you the initial versions of this message because it really allowed me to refine my approach and address this situation the way it needed to be addressed. I promised I'd do this, but I'm not doing it just because I promised, I'm doing it because it feels so right in every way.

Here's the TL;DR: I truly love you with all of my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm already completely ready and willing to enter into a serious (and I'm not accepting long-distance) relationship with you, but I know this situation is complicated and you'd possibly feel the need to test me before you feel confident in our foundation. If you want to test me now, go ahead; I'll pass with flying colors. After you're satisfied, you need to contact me directly and start seriously pursuing a relationship with me. The time for games and hesitation will be over. If you don't do so appropriately, I'm going to start intense meditation in isolation, and if you leave me alone that way, when I come back to society in a few years, I'm going to rip this entire world apart and anyone that opposed our marriage is going to seriously regret it, including you. I don't want to be with anyone else and I never will. I won't change my mind on this position no matter what anyone says or does and this isn't even slightly up for debate or negotiation. Nobody should be laughing because I already know I have every intention and desire of being extremely destructive without you in my life and I have such great capacity to be destructive if I want to be that I have no issue globally being considered a tyrant if that's what it takes to get the one thing I've only ever really wanted out of life. We've been through so much that you've thoroughly convinced me that you want me really badly too and we've both worked so hard towards being with each other in the end that we definitely deserve it. Everyone at all involved in your life should choose their position very carefully and think twice about what they're really fighting against before opposing what we both really want. If you've actually just been playing with me this whole time, you've doomed yourself, any partners you might ever take seriously in the future, and the entire world as a whole, to a terrible fate, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.


Near the end of last year, I went on Ice's stream and pretended to hate you. Afterwards, I tried my best to communicate to you in detail that I actually have a lot of warm feelings towards you, that I was just pretending to hate you, and that I really just wanted you to take this more seriously, just as I'd told you was my intent before I did it. Not too long ago, you said you like people who are real, and you like to talk out issues and misunderstandings that you have with people. I'm being completely real here, and I like to talk out issues and misunderstandings as well. Originally, I thought there were only 2 real options for you to pick from moving forward: Call me and tell me you love me, or call me and tell me to kill myself. I realize that's not really the case. You might feel like you have a 3rd option of trying to ignore me and this situation or maybe trying to dismiss it like it's a joke or something. Maybe you even think I want that. I really don't. I suppose that would seem like it's working short-term, but long-term you'd realize it's not bringing a resolution. You might also feel like you have a 4th option of dating someone else and thinking that will resolve this situation and I'll just decide that's when to give up. You might even be misunderstanding the situation so hard that you think I'm doing this to try to force or encourage you to date someone else; that's not the case at all. I'm not exactly sure what rationale you're trying to use to justify that belief, maybe you think I secretly believe we're better off without each other. I don't. I want you to talk to me and tell me you miss me and love me and want to marry me so we can start pursuing a serious relationship. Even if you decide to push me away long-term, driving me into deep isolation, and enter into a relationship with someone else now or enter any number of relationships while I'm in isolation, it won't change how I feel.


From the first day I started talking to you, you shook my world. So sweet and seemingly very lighthearted, but also sharp and lowkey very serious and contemplative. When I met you in person, shortly after I joined your community, it was the first time I ever felt genuinely happy in my entire life. It became the best memory of my life instantly and remains so to this day. I already knew I liked you and could see real potential in wanting to spend the rest of my life with you even before, but you touched my heart when I met you and I left that meetup in love and truly feeling that you're my dream girl. You're so perfectly beautiful on the inside and everything I ever wanted on the outside too. You always make me feel warm and happy. I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you. I'm so sorry for all the times I was so harsh. I'm so sorry for all the mean things I've said to you. I really did mean it every time I was warm to you. When I was mean, I wasn't genuinely hating on you; I really did want your attention and affection so badly this whole time. But it's not just that... I wanted to see how loving you really could be. How compatible we really could be. Your patience and resilience always filled me with warmth and hope and made me need more. When I think of you, I only see warm and happy memories. I only feel love and trust. Early on, I told you that I hoped one day, you could remember me for warm and happy things... I still feel that way. I feel like I would do anything for you, anything that makes sense. I'm not sure what else I can do right now, but I know that pouring my heart out to you in public like this makes sense. I've done it privately so many times now, and even if you really never want to talk to me again, I want you to at least know I was being real.


I also want you to know I'm not ashamed of how I feel. I would proudly tell anyone that you're the love of my life, the person I consider my soulmate, and I couldn't have asked for anyone more perfect for me and I will forever feel that way. You deserve it. You're the most precious person in the world to me and you deserve to know that. When I say I love you, it's so much more than just 3 words to me. You have my heart. I put you above everyone else. I trust you like I've never trusted anyone ever before, like I'll never be able to trust anyone else, to the point that I trust you with my life. I feel a connection with you that I've never felt with anyone else before, one that I know I could never feel with anyone else. You're so extremely unique that I feel absolutely certain I could never find someone I adore so much ever again in my life. I'm so happy you exist. You make me always want to be the best version of myself I can be. So many things happened so perfectly, at the right time, the right place, and it came together to be something I find so amazing, and I thought I'd never be able to have it... Before I found you. You're a piece of me that I never wish I didn't need. You complete me. You're my everything. I don't want to live without you. I never thought I'd understand these kinds of things when I heard them said by others, but you made me understand. And I have no regrets. I love you. I'll always love you. Always.


Despite all of these feelings and how deep and real they are to me and that I know they'll never change, I fully acknowledge that we aren't dating and never have. I've never been dishonest with myself to think that, it was never my intent to present it that way and be dishonest with others, and I'm not trying to be dishonest with this message either. That being said, I don't just want to date you anyways; I want to marry you. Your lack of direct contact with me right now shows me that you need some space for at least a little while, which I can understand. If a longer time passes and you don't directly contact me to pursue a serious relationship, I'll go into deeper isolation and I'll start to train my abilities even more intensely. Whether they'll end up being used for constructive or destructive reasons, which would depend on your future actions, I don't know. If you love me, you'll start missing me a lot eventually (hopefully pretty quickly, but it might take some time) and contact me. I'll always be here for you until the day I die. If you ever decide to talk to me and tell me you love me and want to be with me, I'll warmly accept and come to you without any fighting or playing games. That's a promise. Without you, I actually feel a very deep-rooted and intense need to meditate as much as possible while awake, or I'll very quickly start to feel intense existential dissonance and start to seek death actively. I've already told you that it's reached a point where I've ended up doing research on the most painless way for someone to kill themselves and found out it's through suffocating with helium. That headspace is a place I'd rather not return to; it's a terrible feeling. I want it to be clear that trying not to deal with this properly (meaning anything other than directly contacting me and telling me you love me and want to be with me, with the serious intention to pursue it) is no better than directly and honestly telling me to kill myself, so if that's going to be the approach you're taking, you should just tell me that and not hold back. The fact that you haven't already is actually something that gives me a lot of hope in itself... But even if you did, it wouldn't change how much I love you and want to be with you. I've told you in the past that I consider you my future wife and it should be getting more and more clear how serious I was when I said that and that I still see you that way.


I'd train my energy regardless, but in isolation and spending all day on it, things go much faster. In that sense, even if I'm meant to destroy the world, you're still pushing me to be the best version of myself. If you're wondering how I'd afford it, I'm far from rich, but I have plenty enough money if I'm being reasonably efficient; I've already prepared and thought this all through well. I know that if I end up having to meditate in isolation for years, it'd probably take me anywhere from about 2-5 years to reach the kind of strength I need for my goals, which would be when I'm basically invincible and insanely powerful. After 1 year, I'll most likely already be quite dangerous. After 2 years, flawless and far-reaching mobility and defenses is most likely all I'd lack, if that. By 3 years, it's quite likely I'd already be at a point I consider suitable. I'd reemerge with a bang. One of the first things I'd definitely do, regardless of your relationship status at that time (even if you're married with children somehow), is I'd use my abilities to break into TV stations to interrupt live broadcasting to express my love for you and how if I can't be with you then that'd be the reason I'm going to start destroying the world. None of the pretending to hate you stuff that I did on Ice's stream. I'd completely refuse to be with any other person because I already know you're the only person I could ever feel a deep, meaningful emotional connection with, and I'd have no desire nor interest to even play games with other people to any extent. No excuse nor rationale would change my mind on wanting to be with you and only you or I'll destroy everything at that point. I wouldn't hesitate to demonstrate how serious I am if seriously doubted to any extent. I want you to know and understand clearly that this would happen and I hope you're taking it into consideration very seriously moving forward because I definitely am and you definitely should.


Most people wouldn't even imagine making it out of what I've been through. When I tell my life story to people who've seen a lot, all of them end up shocked that I'm still alive and functioning at the extremely high level that I am today. Daily abuse from both parents from an early age, divorced when I was young, individually even more abusive. Never once feeling actually loved by either of them at any point in my life. Not having a single happy memory from my entire childhood. Being kicked to the streets to be homeless after both of my parents finished using me for their own goals. Having to deal with many bad and dangerous people. Encountering Shadow Confederation members, both online and in person, many of which literally told me I'm not human. Having seen people killed before my eyes. Never really opening up to anyone out of fears of being laughed at, taken advantage of, and pushed away. Dealing with anxiety, depression, body image issues, gender dysphoria (along with being misunderstood because I'm still only into women despite that), and a lot of anger the whole time. Feeling so alone and cold towards everyone that I didn't even know what feeling lonely was until I met you because I assumed things could never change. And now, having to desperately hold on to hope that the girl of my dreams, the person who I consider my soulmate, might not actually just hate me and prefer to die rather than being with me. Most people would've broke badly, probably quite some time ago. Ended up a homeless mentally ill drug addict criminal that died on the street of an overdose or in jail for life. I've kept a roof over my head, I'm not reliant on any substances and don't even like drinking alcohol, I'm not a criminal and have never been locked up, and I've managed to work through mental struggles so extensively to the point that I can objectively quantify the strength and capabilities of my mentality relative to others, with only more power and potential in the future to show for my struggle. Now, I know things that seem so unreal that many people call me delusional because they can't even fathom being at the level that I'm at themselves. Even overcoming so many struggles leaves me considerably feared if not also misunderstood by most, isolated from the world already by nature, and yet I refuse to simply surrender to the darkness. It's very easy to read these words, but much harder to really understand them.


Originally, I thought I might actually end up killing myself in the near future over this. I've thought very deeply about that as well and I've realized that there's absolutely no way that's happening. I don't blame you for acting the way you are, I blame society as a whole for being so ignorant, arrogant, and terrified of change and the unknown. Every step of the way in my life, I tried to be the best most loving person I could be, and I know that deep in my heart. Always trying so hard to avoid becoming the monster that I was so afraid I'd be driven to become, and yet society tells me I'm delusional and scary for trying my best to be a good person and instead I should give up and be the worst I can be. When I think about what kind of headspace it would really take for someone to kill themselves, I see it being one where they victimize themselves for having their life circumstances and have such a lack of love for themselves that they would rather stop living than do something to at least try to change their life. I know, in my head and in my heart, that I'm not a bad person at the core. I really can see so clearly that I have absolutely no reason to hate myself. When I've done everything I could to really love others, but all I see is hate I don't deserve in return, the only thing that feels right is to finally give society what it wants and return all that hate. But my hate is so much more powerful, even by myself, because in society's case, it deserves it. What happens when society wants to tell me I'm selfish and crazy for trying to truly fully embrace reality in the most healthy way possible and just wanting to really feel loved when I've never had it in my life despite trying so hard and deserving to have it so much? I wonder if they're really human. That gives me plenty of reason not to want to kill myself, at least not until I kill every single one of them first. If it came to that, you? You'd be the last person I'd want to do that to. Literally.


It's reached a point where I've considered walking into a police station and demanding that I be put into an isolation cell for a year. I'd send you a message after I got out, and if you didn't contact me shortly after, I'd go back and repeat it for another year. I'm sure they'd ask me if I have mental illness, am under influence of any substances, and why I want to be in isolation or what crime I'm turning myself in for. I'd say that I'm completely mentally stable and can objectively quantify it, prove it if they even try to question it, tell them I'm not under the influence of any substances because I wouldn't be, and tell them that the girl of my dreams, the person I consider the love of my life and my soulmate, won't talk to me and I find no positive purpose in existing without her in my life. Explain that I blame this on society and hate it, so I think it's only fair that I get punished ahead of time for my crime of destroying the world a few years down the line if it won't let me be loved by the only person who's love I really want. If they refuse, regardless of whatever reasoning they give, I would ask them what crime I can commit to get what I want and if they would rather I go commit it, or if they will just give me what I want peacefully. It would really hurt a lot, not being able to even see your face, hear your voice, or follow what's going on in your life... But I suppose the distraction-free environment is most conductive to rapid development of my abilities and that approach does also feel like the most appropriate approach to what I'm doing in a very real way.

9. LOVE.

I remember that early on when I was talking to you about loving you, you told me you researched about love a fair amount. I hadn't researched about it at all until more recently, but when I did, I quickly learned something that really stood out to me. They say that after initially finding someone attractive, the next phase typically is infatuation, which is said to last 3 years at most, after which the "rush" or whatever fades and you're left evaluating how valuable a relationship is to you a lot more and in a typically much more levelheaded way, which is often when relationships fall apart. I'm certain that you came across this information as well, and this time period is something you weigh heavily in evaluating the viability of a serious long-term relationship. We may never have dated, but we've certainly been quite passionate to each other for the last 2 years. That only leaves one more year until we pass a point where it's generally considered that there's serious long-term potential in this. I feel very confident that my feelings won't ever go away, so one more year is nothing; I'm certain they'll only get stronger. It should be very clear at this point that I've already put an extremely high amount of very deep thought into this and that it really makes a lot of sense that these feelings and this position I have won't ever change. As far as I'm concerned, I've already waited long enough to know the truth; if you don't already, you should share that position pretty soon. If you decide not to directly contact me for a longer period of time and keep pushing me away in one form or another, I think the most appropriate thing I can do would be to give you space for the remainder of this entire year, showing you I have no intention to be hateful or change my mind about my position at all, and then after the year's passed, drop you a little message telling you that my feelings and position haven't changed. From that point on, every year until I either get to be with you or end up destroying the world, I'll keep dropping a message to let you know my feelings and position haven't changed. I'm already absolutely certain I'd feel compelled to do that to show you how much I love you and how badly I want you to be with me forever. I really hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, that's what I'm going to do. That's a promise.

10. ALONE.

I really want you to understand that leaving you alone isn't something I'm at all eager to do. It never was and never will be. It should be especially clear now that it's not good for either of us long-term either. Assuming I don't go for the prison isolation room approach, I don't plan to cut my phone number off during my time in isolation, so you can call me at any point and I'd love to talk. I really dislike how that position comes off like I'm not as passionate about this as I really am, but I love you so much and that seems like the most loving way to go about this situation, so there's nothing I can really do about that. I'm not doing this to make you feel bad and certainly not to make you suicidal, which I really don't think would be the case at all, but I feel the need to mention in order to make my intent very clear seeing as I can see it being misunderstood that way. In the interest of honesty, I have to mention that my position wouldn't change even if it did make you suicidal; I would just feel very sad and hope you stop feeling that way eventually or have to mourn your loss as I go around destroying everything. I really want it to be clear that I'm not writing this with the intent to be hurtful, I'm just being honest and passionately chasing what gives me meaning in life. I've spent the last 2 years putting everything else aside and throwing many other things away, to love you the best I could. This whole time, I've been waking up every single day and thinking about how I can inspire you to grow and improve and shine as brightly as you can. I've went as far as to explain both variants of pure bidirectional apprehension in detail to you. I've shared with you some information about quantum energy harvesting meditation, without sharing too much so you know I'm not trying to make this a competition, and told you I'm willing to tell you a lot more if we end up together. I've given you all that I can right now and I have nothing left without you... And I have no regrets about that either. If you don't talk to me any time soon, isolation and meditation isn't an action taken out of some kind of childish resent, it's simply the only option I have that makes sense and feels right, given all my knowledge, desires, goals, and life experiences.


I think there's something extremely important that you should understand which I've never mentioned before... Even if you actually were playing with me this whole time, it still doesn't change how I feel and my position. I believe that even in that case, there's definitely a very real possibility that you can still realize after some time that there are feelings there after all, and I'm not bothered if they weren't there in the beginning because there are plenty of understandable reasons why they wouldn't have been. That being said, I'm well aware that from your perspective, you risked your life just to meet me when you met me. You also decided you were comfortable with meeting me early on. I didn't ask you to do it, not even so much as hinted at wanting it, I made you no promises about anything, and I made it very clear to you right from the very beginning that I'm far from normal and that I don't hesitate to be open and honest about it. I could've been a very different person and that course of action could've ended very differently for you, but you trusted me. There was no reason you had to do that and very few people would have. What you did will always mean a lot to me, and I'm sure you knew long ago that it would. I suppose everyone thinks that it's fine if they don't like me because someone else will; what they comfortably ignore is that everyone thinks that way and I'm left not only able and willing but also wanting to destroy everything, and people just laugh and wonder why. You're the first person to really make me feel loved, and regardless of whether that was your intent or not, that's always how I'll remember you and treat you. I really want you to remember that.

12. LUST.

I'm far from a player, always been that way, and I'm happy to stay that way, but I've had my fair share of experiences with women nonetheless. Even well before I met you, several women have shown considerable interest in me. In high school, I was literally the most popular person in the entire school by far. Most of the people in the entire school, from every grade, knew who I was. I was renowned as "the hacker" for hacking the WiFi and computer passwords every single year I was there and sharing them with anyone who wanted them, including teachers. It was to the point that people I'd never seen before would randomly approach me in the halls and ask me if it's really me, then tell me they think I'm cool; sometimes they'd ask me for a password or if I wanted to be friends. I had multiple friend groups and got to know several girls. Even when I was homeless, I've had women randomly approach me and stand right in front of me and check me out, eyeing me up and down, or come up to me and sit right beside me on the bus, trying to start up a conversation. I have a bunch of different kinds of experiences with many different women, without even trying to seek them out or putting any real effort into them. Some, I was friends with for years, and others I had never seen before in my life. Most of them I even found pretty physically attractive. I've been friends with women that I never dated and never ended up dating, but they freely invited me to feel up their breasts and butt, some told me they'd be willing to go somewhere private and make out or even have sex... Things I never expected to happen to me, especially since I never tried to make it happen; I found it pretty wild, and I did take these girls up on some of these offers and have some experiences with that stuff as a result... But until I met you, not once in my life had I ever even felt infatuated before. Not once had I seriously pursued a romantic relationship with someone. I'm not typically the type to play any kind of games at all. I'd experienced lust for some women, in some cases it would last for years, but never had I thought about someone everyday. Never had I wondered what they were thinking, what they were doing, if they were okay... I always knew it would take someone really special to ever make me care at all. That's why I've never been in a relationship. I've never had any real desire nor passion to even try chasing a woman unless I see such serious potential in her, before either of us even fall in love, that I feel like it would make sense to want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. Most people are not like this at all, which really explains why a lot of relationships fall apart within 3 years. Needless to say, whatever you'd call what we have going on is definitely drastically unlike most relationships; I'd say that's looking like a pretty good thing, statistically speaking at the least.


Fame, money, professional success, anything else people usually define as success, to any degree... It's all empty and worthless to me without you. I can only give someone everything like this once. It's not that I think nobody else could ever love me, it's that I know I could never love anybody like I love you and nobody could ever love me like you can. I miss you so much. It hurts me so much that you might seriously think I'd ever want to hurt you. I want you to really understand that all these essays I've written to you haven't come from a place in my heart with hatred. They all came from a place of love. I know it's hard for you to believe, with the extent that they are tender, and even sometimes sexual when it felt really appropriate, despite us having had very few tender moments in person and no sexual ones. It's true, despite how bad the meaner messages may look. It'd understandably be hard for almost anyone to believe I suppose... But it's the complete and absolute truth. You know this isn't about money, I never thought I could win anyone's heart that way. I haven't even donated $100 to you in total in the whole time I've known you... I know there are people who've given you thousands. You know this isn't about fame, I very clearly threw away a position on the Cx Network without hesitation to try to prove my love for you; I could've approached that encounter so differently and it easily would've drastically improved my professional life and career prospects without any help from you. I was even contacted recently and offered a position in it if I was willing to forget about trying to be with you, and I instantly turned it down. You know this isn't about professional progress, you're well aware I'm proficient at programming and have at least 2 projects with real potential I could work on and take to much higher levels of success all by myself if I wanted, which I casually dismiss as not worth my effort anymore without you in my life. You know I'm not trying to play you, I know you've seen other women in your own Discord show interest in me and try to get my attention, yet I didn't even say so much as a single word to any of them because I was so invested in you from the start; I've also not even once tried to make you jealous by claiming there are any other women that I'd chase if you don't show me more interest... That kind of dishonesty doesn't feel right to me. I knew long ago how valuable and irreplaceable you are to me.


As of the last time I ever had a direct private conversation with you, which was more than a year ago, you told me that we were only friends and that you wanted our friendship to remain shallow. That was the first time that I decided to try leaving you alone, and I told you very clearly that it was because I had very strong romantic feelings for you and couldn't handle just being friends. I also told you clearly that I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to impose my presence, I didn't want to encourage you to send me mixed messages, and I wanted you to at least know I was serious about all the times I told you my feelings up to that point already. We've been through so much these past 2 years and you've given me a lot of reason to believe you do truly have feelings for me. The first time I said I'd leave you alone, within less than 2 months you were saying you felt like you pushed away people you like and you needed to watch motivational videos to get out of bed in the morning. When I came back very shortly after, your mood drastically improved suddenly. More than once past that point, you've called me the love of your life in response to our arguments and me feeling like I should leave because of the extent of mixed messages you were giving me. In response to one of our arguments, you said you felt like you should give up on a serious relationship for the rest of your life. At one point, you said you peed in your panties a little in excitement, on a stream right after one of the messages I sent you where I told you that I still think you're extremely attractive, still really want to be with you, and that I see you as the perfect woman of my dreams, a real goddess. I've told you before that I truly think you're the most attractive person in the world, and I still think so now. I've told you before that I don't call any other women goddesses and that was, is, and forever will be the truth; nobody else deserves such a compliment from me. Right after one of my messages which I sent not very long before I went on Ice's stream, you started a stream off playing music about being with me being like a dream to you and how you would literally kill, especially anyone else I might try to be with, in order to be with me.


You've expressed attention and affection towards me many times in public on stream at this point and you know it. I've downloaded multiple VODs of you which I don't share publicly because I want it to be clear I'm not trying to be malicious... But I know you know I have them because I've even shown a couple to one of your moderators who I still communicate with and now consider one of my best friends. They were also all well after the point that I had already poured my heart out to you personally in Discord DMs multiple times, which was very early on back when you had them open; you had directly responded every single time except at the very end, with genuine interest and attention. I saved screenshots of all of it, long ago. I still remember so clearly how after the first essay I ever sent you, where I talked about the first time we met and my true feelings and intentions, your next stream, you spent an entire 4 hours talking about your feelings. After I came back, I spent the past year sending countless messages and essays to you to constantly try to show you how serious I am despite all the mixed messages you've been giving, and I know you've read every single one... You always give me attention and respond on stream somehow. I made it clear to you every step of the way that continuing the way you were meant you'd have to be with me sooner or later or the world will literally end; this never stopped you from continuing to be passionate towards me and showing serious affection and interest. I know that you know what you were doing this whole time. I have no trouble believing that you were really hoping for this outcome the whole time; in fact, I'll never believe otherwise no matter what you do anymore, and I'm sure you can easily understand why.

16. SHELL.

We've both been kind and cruel to each other at times, but these kinds of games aren't the way I envision our relationship to be in the future if we end up together. I only want us to be kind, considerate, and warm to each other. With how patient and understanding I continue to be even now, I'm confident you'll eventually realize that you shouldn't be afraid that I won't try my absolute best to completely understand where you're coming from all the time. I've already told you many times that I've been dealing with this situation and the hardships of it not because I enjoy being hurt (because I don't) nor for any kind of thrill, but because I want you to know how much you really mean to me and I can see massive potential in a very positive and loving relationship coming out of it all. I've believed for a long time, and for what I consider very good reason, that you share this position. I know I've inspired you a lot this whole time and helped you break out of your shell. You've done the same for me and I have no hesitation to admit it feels really good. You may say you're crazy now, but I'm pretty sure most people would say I'm even more crazy, so that doesn't bother me at all. I'm not afraid of you genuinely wanting to hurt me at all and I don't think I'd ever have any good reason to be. I believe you feel this way as well. I'm well aware this situation would seem very scary to a lot of people and they'd think there actually is no good outcome that could come from it; I want it to be very clear that I'm not putting so much effort into this just to be destructive regardless.


You've said before that your first boyfriend turned out gay, and I've mentioned to you before already that I'm sure that affected your view on relationships in some way. I told you very early on, long before you'd ever mentioned him, that I'd rather die alone than ever start finding men attractive; after I'd heard about your first boyfriend and mentioned it to you, I once again told you I very definitively know that how I feel about that will never change. I've told you before that no matter what happens between us, I won't change my position on that. I still very definitively maintain that even now my position has not changed on that. I've already described to you in the past in detail why you're my ideal partner and I want you to know very clearly that I completely meant it and it'll never change. I also want you to know that I'm really never giving up on you and moving on and I meant it every time I said that too. Early on, you mentioned to me that you've never taken back any of your exes. After I caused drama on Ice's stream, suddenly you started calling me your ex. Seeing as we've never done anything sexual, the last time we even talked directly was more than a year ago, and back then you told me we were only ever friends and I accepted that was the case, I have no clue at what point you consider that we were ever dating. Still, I can understand why you'd act this way. Since you've never taken an ex back, if you consider me an ex and still end up dating me later, that's something that even by itself is very meaningful and significant to you. I know you want me to know that and I want you to know very clearly that I do.


Recently, you've also mentioned another experience that affected you from the past: when you got catfished by someone online for a year. I remember you mentioning it briefly before, but this time you explained it in more detail and even made a YouTube video about it. You talked about how you really liked the person and how you'd talk to them pretty much everyday for quite some time, reaching the point you wanted to study abroad to meet them and even managed to convince your parents to go for it. You talked about how you kept delaying it because of that person's hesitation and you came to learn from someone else that they had been telling you elaborate lies and impersonating someone else, even going to the extent of sending you pictures to attempt to validate their claimed identity. You talked about how it ended and you expressed your frustration that you still haven't gotten closure to this day. While I can't know that person's reason for what they did, I know that I've never done and would never do something like what they did. I've told you long ago about my inclination towards femininity in many ways. I can understand that having an experience like the one you did with that person you're probably left assuming has feelings similar to mine would make you feel quite hesitant to get closer to me, worried that I might somehow end up hurting you in an even worse way. One of the reasons I knew I had to take the opportunity you were giving me to meet you early on was that I wanted you to clearly know I had no intention of ever trying to deceive you of my identity to attempt to gain trust that I wouldn't deserve; I knew I wanted to be honest with you that I could've done that if I wanted to and that was the only way to do it without it coming off the wrong way. Even before I met you, I was very capable of naturally sounding completely female, and I know that because in many cases when I would talk to random people online with that voice, they would instantly believe I'm female without questioning it. I typically don't just randomly blurt out that I was born a man in those cases, but these were conversations with people I only ever talked to once or twice and then never again, for the most part. To any of the people that I actually formed friendships with that lasted any significant period, within a couple months I would find some appropriate time to tell them the truth. Even being able to sound like a woman, when I went on Ice's Discord for example, even to people I'd only talked to once or twice, I would openly admit that I was born a man; some people literally couldn't believe it. Additionally, I've never impersonated anyone, in any way, for any reason. I want you to clearly understand that whatever that person did to you in the past, I'm a very different kind of person from them, and you shouldn't have any fear towards me as a result of your experience with them.


When I say I love myself, people may look at some of these things I've said and think that I'm trying to say I love myself too much to really be with you. The reality is that I love myself too much not to be with you. I want it to be very clear that I'm not doing this just to try to save any reputation or image I have, to myself, to other people, or even to you; that all means absolutely nothing to me without you in my life. I'm doing this because I'm absolutely certain that without each other, we're going to end up destroying ourselves and society as a whole as well, and I'm trying to do everything in my power to avoid that stuff from happening. Many people might look at this situation and think that I'm being self-destructive by pursuing this course of action, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I know very definitively that I'd actually be self-destructive not to pursue you. I don't care in the slightest if this whole thing makes me seem like a big bully or some kind of tyrant; if that's how people see me, it is what it is. I've already told you before that I'm not the type to ever settle for mediocrity, and for very good reason. Being me, a situation like this would be inevitable with anyone I'd ever pursue where we have amazing chemistry, and I came to terms with that long ago. I could give an ultimatum regarding being with any person, but 2 years ago I made a decision... The decision that I found the only person that really gave me a reason to live. The more I've gotten to know you and grow closer to you, the more certain and confident I've become that I made the best decision I ever could've made. With you, at least my life will feel truly worth living, a feeling I've still yet to experience. I can easily deal with any number of other people seeing me however they feel like it; at least I'll finally have what I've wanted and worked towards ultimately my entire life. If we end up together, I'll treat you so well all the time that all those people who want to think badly of me now will be absolutely shocked, and it'll come naturally to me. I'm absolutely certain of this. I see a high probability that they might even treat me quite coldly in more direct ways, and they'll once again be shocked to see the amount of warmth that I continue to radiate constantly to you and even them, despite their hard feelings; this is yet another thing I'm already used to from many things I've had to deal with in the past. You shouldn't worry about what other people will think about you either; I'll fight them all for you as much as I need to and you should too if you need to. My whole life, I've been denied of a lot of things, and quite frankly I didn't really care about getting them enough to even really want to try to get them; being with you isn't something I'm ever going to be willing to accept being denied of. Any possible issues holding you back, I can and will work through them and they'd never deter me from maintaining this position, and that's how you should feel about it too. You must've known right from the beginning that if this was ever going to go anywhere, you'd have to fight and it wouldn't be easy; I won't accept you giving up, especially now that we've gotten so far. I need you and everyone around you to understand very clearly that if we don't end up together, I'm going to hold you just as responsible for that as I hold the rest of society. Anyone that seriously cares about you, themselves, and especially if they care about both, shouldn't ultimately be very resistant to this happening. When I tell you I'm never moving on, I'm not saying it to encourage you to try to find reasons to tell me to do it or try to help me do it in any way; I'm telling you so you understand to stop trying to find excuses to push me away. I'm never really going away. Never. Understand that clearly. Please. I'm not even going to pretend to any extent anymore, this is just a fact that you and everyone around you needs to deal with.


If I can never be with you and I meditate in isolation for a year and start really having something to show for it, as I know I would, do you really think I'm gonna stop? Of course not! If you're trying to get me to move on, what do you think that looks like? Do you really think with how much I care about you that it'd happen quickly? No way! It'd take years to try to deal with the shock and devastation, having to numb myself to the eternal suffering and pain that came from trying to be the most loving person I could be but getting slapped in the face and kicked when I'm already down by life for it in the most brutal way possible, and what do you think the amount of pain I'd feel would drive me to do during that time? Meditate in isolation! People say I'm the crazy one, but what's really crazy is that people can read all of this, acknowledge that I'm literally out of this world level crazy and on another level of perception that they can't fully understand, and yet still somehow don't believe and properly want to act upon the implications that I'm suffering so much without being with you that I'd actually do what I'm saying here, things would happen exactly as I'm saying they would without a serious relationship with you for the rest of my life, and that us being together forever would be so good for both of us that there's absolutely no good reason whatsoever for it not to happen. Even if I did manage to numb myself to the suffering of never having the one thing I've only ever really wanted and endured such a treacherous life hoping to get, which would have to happen after years of meditating in isolation, that shouldn't be something you or anyone else wants! I'd turn all the energy I have now to try to make something positive out of all my suffering and trying to constantly see the best in people and be as loving as possible into sheer hatred for humanity as a whole and desire to only be destructive. At that point, I'd be so sad and angry on an existential level, so numb to trying to do anything positive about it, and able to do something about all that negative emotion, that at the very least, I'd make you suffer greatly for the rest of your life and make an example out of you to the rest of the world. I'd end up making your life miserable, slowly stripping you of anything and everything that you hold valuable while watching you suffer and laughing at you to your face, and eventually wiping you, any potential partners, your friends, and your family, all from this earth, without mercy or remorse; I'm telling you this now so if that ends up having to happen, you know that even if you all literally get on your knees and beg for mercy, it won't stop me, I'd laugh even harder. If I actually did move on, in the only way that'd be possible, do you really think I'd be scared to do this? No way, it'd clearly be my best and only real option, and nobody could ever hope to stop me! If I wanted to flaunt my powers once they're ready, do you really think I'd ever want to do it in just a nice, casual way? No way! That'd just make everyone think I'm a pushover, an idiot, and way too nice, and I'd end up having a bunch of manipulative assholes trying to take advantage of me. That's already what's happening on a much smaller scale with multiple people who I push away even now, and it'd only be much worse later if I was demonstrating my powers much more clearly. If I just went around flinging bank safe doors open with my mind and stealing stuff, people still wouldn't be that scared and respectful of me because they'd figure I still have things I value and don't want to lose; it also wouldn't bring me any real satisfaction in the deeply troubled state that I'd end up in without ending up in a serious relationship with you and spending the rest of my life with you. But if I made an example out of you and told the world that I'm as powerful as I am and have absolutely nothing to lose and nothing I really care about, that'd really terrify everyone and then I'd really get some serious respect and be able to comfortably carry out the constant destruction I'd find as the only remotely satisfying thing to pass time doing under those circumstances. Even if you somehow had the whole world begging me to forgive you for what you did, that'd actually further encourage me to do it to really prove a point, and even if they all were in favor of you being punished the way I saw fit, that wouldn't take away from my desire to do it at all because of how hurt and troubled I'd end up as a result of the situation. If you were doing all this intending to hurt me, you must've known that you'd end up hurt very badly in the end, and I have every intention of giving you what you asked for; even if you didn't know or want to try to present it that way, that's really not my problem in the slightest, because you really should've known, and it still wouldn't ever change the reality of how I'd feel and what I'm capable of doing about your decisions as a result. I'd never even slightly consider giving any mercy to anyone or anything, especially you and anything you value. What would it get me? Pats on the back from people for being kind? My whole life, I never really cared in the slightest about getting patted on the back for my good deeds or achievements; do you really think I'll ever make it my life's purpose? No way! Me moving on from you equates to me moving on from ever having any desire or drive to ever see humanity as a whole and even life in general in a positive light, moving on from ever having any desire or drive to act in a constructive way and pursue real happiness. If I was in a weaker position and had to move on with you meaning as much to me as you do now, I can guarantee you I definitely would've killed myself already by now; since I'm in a stronger position, I'll end up destroying the world in the future if I have to move on. My heart wouldn't soften over time; my feelings that are so soft now would actually become very hard, and things would escalate from me contemplating on the possibility of this to envisioning the details of the execution and working towards it with extreme perseverance every single day as my life's mission and purpose. This has nothing to do with self-esteem, and I can objectively quantify that because an individual with refined pure bidirectional apprehension as a core value can validate that they entirely lack any active ego, and as a result, wouldn't ever suffer from self-esteem issues to nearly such an extent; this is me objectively seeing reality clearly and facing the facts of which possibilities result in which outcome in the future, with a very high capacity of critical thinking and forethought deeply being involved in the process. When someone has had to remain so grounded throughout their whole life, regularly being abused and called delusional despite being very finely in tune with reality in a way that they constantly validate objectively but don't get proper approval from others for despite the results speaking for themselves, that they literally wrote out an entire paper detailing the 5 steps to clearly identify objective reality from the context of a living entity born with emotion which makes them predisposed to subjective bias otherwise, and have insanely powerful and enlightened people asking them how they know the things they do and telling them that they're not human, you're the delusional one if you don't accept the facts. You need to understand and accept completely clearly that when someone of my caliber tells you that I'll never move on, it's absolutely nothing like an average person saying that to you; it's extremely dangerous for you to fight it past a certain point. I never want to move on, and if you're trying to be in any kind of healthy headspace, you shouldn't ever want me to move on either! I'm happy to give up deeply terrorizing the world, getting far more respect than I really need but would feel like having otherwise, and being extremely destructive, in return for a deep and loving relationship with you forever, which was what I've really wanted all along anyways. You should want the same thing that I want here, at the very least for your own sake, if not also for the sake of all your friends, family, and literally the rest of the world. You wanting me to move on from you equates to you being extremely suicidal in the most destructive way possible. If you decide to be with me and in the future you want to make your own international ultimatum that states that you love me and only me, you want to be with me forever, you're always going to be loyal to me and would never leave me, I'd better always love you back and never leave you either, and you're going to destroy the world with what I would've taught you at that point if I do leave you, I completely approve already; I'd even encourage it. Instead of playing games and wasting time trying to tell me to move on, you should be carefully thinking, planning, and preparing on how you're going to approach starting a serious relationship with me that you intend to last a lifetime. You don't have time to waste.


While I'm not saying and doing all of this to make you feel bad, it'll probably make you feel bad right now for a little while, but that doesn't matter at all in the bigger picture. Put all those bad feelings aside and deal with the facts. I know it might be easier said than done, but it's what you must do. If you don't want us both to end up feeling a lot worse later, being together is absolutely the only option you have. Nothing anyone says or does will change this fact of life. We've both worked very hard to end up in this position, and even if you want to consider that I'm forcing you now, then yes, I'm forcing you. It's not like you haven't made it extremely clear that you want to be forced. I want you to understand very clearly that I can see the need for this message to be made public and I don't see that as something that should be an obstacle to any extent in the way of us being together. I want it to be very clear that I don't just see completing this message as some kind of achievement; I want this to be completed so we can have a really strong foundation and finally be together. You know why we're not dating? Because we shouldn't be dating. We should be getting married already. The fact is that if we don't end up being together forever, I'll end this world, and you'd best believe I'm dead serious. Now that it's reached this point, what good is dating? It's already marriage or literally the end of the world. You should already start talking about it this way to your friends and family because that's exactly what it is. The fact is we're either getting married soon, or we're getting married in about 3 years, unless you want the world to end. Those are your options... And I really don't want to wait any number of years, so if you want me to be completely real here, you really shouldn't make me wait and you don't really have options. You really need to understand this. I'm absolutely not okay at all without you in my life and that's never going to change. This is all fact. I may see and accept a significant inclination I have towards femininity, but I can also see and accept masculine aspects of my personality too, and I have no hesitation to be really assertive when I need to be.


It's been a while now that I've been harsher with you, and I can really understand that you'd need at least a little space to sort through your feelings, communicate with those around you, analyze the situation over time, and start to see and understand the extent to which I'm being honest and my feelings are genuine and should be extremely valuable to you. I'm not upset about it so don't worry about that. I literally put my life in your hands because that's how much I love you... The least I'll do is make sure the truth about how much I really love you and how far I'm willing to go for you is known, and like I said, I'm ready to die for it, whether in the shorter or longer term. I really want you to do what feels right in your heart and I will too. I'm still currently in really high hopes and I know I have no option but to keep hoping unless it eventually becomes crystal clear that the end times were meant to come from my hand. Hopefully you can realize what you're missing out on, because the way I see things, I already do very clearly and what I see is a life with you where neither of us could've asked for anything better... That's why I'm trying so hard. I'm not doing all this feeling pathetic and as if I'd never be good enough; in fact, I feel like I'm far from that. I feel very confident that we deserve each other and I'm certain we can really improve each other's lives a lot more in the future. I genuinely believe that this connection, this extremely strong feeling that we're soulmates, is a really good thing. Together, we can literally conquer the world if we want. Apart, we'll literally destroy it. I'd really prefer to conquer the world with you, but if it ends up that you'd prefer I destroy it, I'll make sure to do the best job I can. You need to recognize very clearly that ultimately, you are the only person that should make the decision of who you'll spend your life with, and it's also ultimately entirely your responsibility to pursue that, regardless of what anyone else thinks, says, or does. That, combined with the fact that the world will literally end soon if you don't decide that person is me, should really make it clear that you shouldn't be sitting there trying to think about it for very long. You hold the world in the palm of your hand now too, what will you do?

23. DEPTH.

It looks like you might be going for the approach of pushing me away and possibly dating someone else. I'm still not certain if you're really serious about it or not. I always knew that you could find a relationship with someone else if you wanted one, and it was always something that I let push me to try to love you better than anyone else. I sent you each version of this entire message ahead of time, told you I'd post it publicly, gave you some time to provide feedback, prepare you for what was coming, and do my best to show you this comes from a warm place in my heart. Take some time to sort through your thoughts and feelings. I don't expect you to change your position immediately and seriously contact me to come back in the very near future, but I want you to know I'd have loved to do that and I will if you actually do. This message should already show you how serious I am. If you decide to push me away and leave me alone for a longer period of time, I suppose it's best to give you a year to really think about what I'm saying, see really solid proof that I'm being honest that my feelings won't fade when I let you know that my position on all this hasn't changed, and hopefully then you'll be able to really warm up to me. In that case, in a year I'll start drama again, being nice to you of course, and make a serious attempt to talk to you again. Like I said before, that's a promise. I know I'm going to feel really lonely and sad whenever I'm not meditating, because that's the only time my focus on something I'm doing would be so intense that thinking of you wouldn't be going through my head, but I suppose there's nothing I can do about that at that point and I'll bear it because I know how much you mean to me. I'm going to leave this message posted on the internet in at least one place I know it won't get removed, and drop the link both in your Discord as well as Ice's. I want you to know clearly that I'm not trying to keep what I'm saying here a secret from his community at all either, especially after I made us both look so bad when I felt the need to pretend to hate you in order to maximize the amount of attention and growth you could get from it. In this message, I'm telling you how much you really mean to me, that I still don't consider this the end of a chance for us to make this work, and that I'm giving you time to think about what you really want to do next, both in the near and further future. People have tried to tell me that some people have it so much worse off than me and I shouldn't be so willing to throw everything away and isolate myself to prepare to end the world just because of one person, but that kind of thinking I find to be very weak. There are people out there that have it worse off than me, but there are also so many that have it so much better. I can appreciate being grateful for what I have, but I'd never allow that to inhibit my drive to achieve goals that I've set for myself in the pursuit of happiness.


If you call me back in the future, regardless of if you are or have been in a relationship or not, don't play games. If you're in a relationship while I'm in isolation meditating and it ends (hopefully before I end it and possibly the world), when it ends, don't play games. Don't bother playing music on stream to call me back in an attempt to provoke drama; it's not going to work. I'm not doing this to be amusing, to act as some kind of wingman to strengthen your relationship with someone else, for content, out of hatred, or due to a weak character. Don't break up with someone, try to dishonestly call me back for a while with music or something, get back with them or get with someone else once I inevitably don't attack you for it, and think I'm not paying attention, or that I'll start attacking you at that point, or that my position on anything has changed, because those things won't happen. That being said, you've recently expressed not so much a desire but a need to enter a relationship; I'm not sure if you're talking about one with me or not. If it's with someone else, you saying you feel like a relationship with someone else is necessitated because of what I'm saying here means only one thing to me: you feel the need to try being with someone else in order to be able to validate the integrity and honesty of what I'm saying here about not attacking you and leaving you alone if you do. This would allow you to set a solid foundation for a relationship with me in the future. In that case, such a relationship would not last any number of years, and once you feel convinced of my honesty and see a very solid foundation having been set between us, that relationship would end, and you would then want to enter into a very serious one with me. If I'm right and that's really the case, I want you to know that I don't hold that against you nor the person you'd be with during that time, and I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that you're being dishonest and playing with me if you eventually start to call out for me to come back into your life; that's a promise. If you're talking about being in a relationship with me, I'm ready and willing; that's a promise too. I want you to clearly understand that I really mean it when I say I'm not trying to break your heart, and I can understand that you'd feel like it's necessary to test me on that in one way or another before deciding to pursue a serious relationship with me. That also being said, if you're not testing me in any way here and the truth is actually that you've been playing with me and you never warm up to me and will never be with me... You've really messed your life up, doomed any partner you might ever take seriously to a terrible fate, doomed the world to a terrible fate, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I know that sounds cold, but I'm not writing this to you just to be nice, I want you to see reality clearly and face the facts; I want it to be very clear to you that I have no place in my heart for warmth if you didn't do this all from a place in your heart with warmth.


I also want it to be clear that while I don't care if some people will see me badly for forcing you to be with me in the end and it won't stop me, I also don't want to be demonized and genuinely called back but under really unfavorable circumstances. If you're going to test me, make sure you don't really hurt both of us in the process by making decisions you'll regret later. Just do the bare minimum you see necessary. For example, if you're going to have sex with that person, which is understandable, make sure you're careful and always use protection. Personally, to be completely honest, from a very young age, I've never felt like having children was something I found appealing, even with the person of my dreams. As I've grown older, it's only further become clear to me that it doesn't fit at all into my goals and aspirations for many reasons; one of the biggest reasons is because it greatly interferes with the amount of personal and intimate time I'd get with my partner. I certainly don't want children any time soon, and definitely don't want to be taking care of someone else's child. Even these kinds of things wouldn't stop me from wanting to be with you, but they definitely would make me really upset, so you should consider that very seriously. I realize that part of what we're dealing with now is not me, you, or society, it's the reality that this situation is prone to misunderstandings regardless, and I want you to know very clearly that I don't hold that against anyone; it's just the way things are. In writing all of this to you, I hope I can achieve us both reaching a mutual understanding of expectations. I can accept being tested, but keep reasonable boundaries in mind.


I want you to know very clearly that even if you date someone else, and even if you're not just testing me, I'm still going to stay loyal to you. Forever. I'm never going to tell you I've moved on, even to try to test your love; that's a promise. I really do know you a lot better than you may think. You act so cold on stream and pretend like you're leading me on... But when the camera's off and you're alone, you're praying I understand that you actually desperately need my love and affection. You cry at the thought of actually losing me. You wonder if you'll end up killing yourself out of regret. Even if you weren't crying out of feeling like you really love me and need me (although I'm quite certain that'd be a large factor if anything), you'd still be crying because you'd feel like a monster for how cruel you've been acting towards me despite the massive constant warmth that I've been showing you from the very beginning, combined with the fear that this course of action you're taking will end up causing the end of the world. It was never my intent to dismiss the significance of this, and I'm really hoping that you can feel how sensitive I am to how you must be feeling by how sensitive and affectionate I'm being to you despite the cold front you're continuing to keep up towards me right now. You recently went to Las Vegas, and in your first stream back, you mentioned that you got married and divorced while you were there. It may or may not be true, I don't know. You've probably been worried if I'd be upset. Actually, I see it as a test and you trying to strengthen the foundation of our connection, and I'm not upset at all. Whether it happened or not, I've already acknowledged that we're not currently dating, and clearly you don't have strong feelings for someone you met like that and kicked out of your life just as quickly as you let them in. If it happened, it doesn't bother me, and not knowing whether it happened or not doesn't bother me either. I already know I'd never even try to pursue another woman. I already know from experience that forgetting about ever having a serious relationship and just having sex with prostitutes isn't an appealing prospect for me at all either. I've told you before that I'm not a virgin and I've had experience having sex with prostitutes in the past; it feels so cold and empty emotionally that for someone like me who values emotions so much in general and knows that'll never change, it very quickly became very clear to me that it's not the life for me. People have also tried to convince me that there are plenty of women out there just as good looking as you or better, but I've seen many really attractive women in my life, and even the prostitutes I had sex with were definitely Korean like you (I even specifically asked them when I met them) and also considerably attractive, but I completely disagree that anyone could ever measure up to you even from a purely physical perspective, at least in my eyes. My certainty that I'll always be loyal to you is not something that comes lightly and I'm sure you can appreciate that.


You've recently expressed, more than once, that you're insecure about your intelligence and don't think you're very smart at all, going to the point of saying you feel like your brain stopped working at about 10. While I disagree and think you're pretty smart overall, and I can also acknowledge that you must've been being sarcastic to some extent as well, this is something else I feel the need to address. While higher intelligence is generally always considered a plus, the intelligence of someone I'd consider a future partner doesn't ultimately matter at all to me. Whatever intelligence you have and however strong your mentality may or may not be from an intellectual standpoint, I fully appreciate all of it's beauty as it is, and I recognize that if it was any more or less, you very well probably wouldn't have had the desire to take this so far and potentially really want to be with me, so I'm very grateful for it being exactly how it is. I want you to know and understand very clearly that it was never my goal nor intent to make you look or feel dumb, to any extent, for any reason, and that certainly isn't my goal or intent in writing this. I've never been the type to enjoy hurting people in any way for any reason, and especially not people I find extremely precious and hold very close to my heart like you.


I want you to know and understand very clearly that all of the things you've expressed insecurity about aren't things that put me off from you to any extent. The childishness in your personality and the quirkiness that results from it is something that I find extremely adorable and really enjoy seeing you express; it's really relaxing and refreshing for me in contrast with my very serious and mature nature that can get very tiresome sometimes, even to myself. I know this whole thing may come off like I'm trying to lecture you and teach you a lesson that you should change, but that's really not my intent in the slightest; I absolutely love you so much exactly the way you are and I'm not trying to tell you to change who you are at all. When we first met, I told you at the end that I find your personality very attractive just as it is, and I really meant it and still feel that way now. I never would've pursued you nearly this hard if I didn't truly love your personality just as it is and I believe that you share that position towards me. I also have a lot of trouble believing you did all this wanting to make me look or feel stupid, so don't be worried that I see it that way either.


I want you to know and understand very clearly that I won't allow myself to ruin the potential we have to be in a great relationship and I'm truly willing to try my hardest every step of the way to demonstrate that. I think it's very possible that in far less than a year, you might already start to realize you have very real feelings for me that you want to pursue. I can understand that after a message like this, in that case, you might still be quite hesitant to reach out to me. I can see you possibly expressing this on stream and calling out for me to come back, as you have many times in the past. I don't want you to wait, suffer, and have to deal with so much worry, sadness, and possibly anger waiting for a year to pass if that becomes the case. I'd also experience those things and we'd both just be really hurt from that. If I start seeing you really expressing strong desire for me to return to you again, however many times your hesitation might make you feel inclined to, I'll try to communicate to you privately every time that my feelings haven't changed and I'm still very willing to talk to you and still really want to be with you forever; I'll also tell you that I still strongly encourage you to contact me directly. If you start making it very clear to me that you want me to start drama over this yet again to show you that I'm completely serious, I'll do it, but only up to 2 more times this year. If you start really calling out for me in the near future after I've sent this publicly, and perhaps you're afraid I wouldn't be willing to pursue moving forwards as I've said here, after making this public; you may or may not decide you're already willing to pursue a serious relationship with me at that point, and either way, I'm ready and willing to prove how serious I am about everything I'm saying here. Additionally, if you pursue testing me, after you're convinced I've passed and you're satisfied with our foundation, you might start calling out for me to start drama once more at that point, wanting me to make it very clear that I still really care and truly do feel ready and willing for a serious relationship with you. Beyond that, I don't think it would be appropriate to keep starting drama constantly. If you aren't going to be convinced any time soon no matter what, you're pushing me away, and I'll need to prove to you that I'm serious about giving you space for a longer period of time if that's the case. I know if you're completely serious about pursuing a relationship with me and feel convinced you want it, you'd attempt to directly contact me and make it completely clear since you have my number and know where to reach me on Discord and Twitter... So it should never get to the point where starting drama over and over again frequently would be a productive course of action. I want you to understand very clearly that my decision to try giving you space for a longer period of time if you won't deal with reality properly and directly contact me any time soon to pursue a serious relationship truly is because I want to be considerate and loving, not out of any desire to cut you out of my life. I want you to clearly understand that my decision to not keep starting drama over and over frequently is not out of any lack of passion or desire to be with you, but rather out of clear recognition that the approach I took in the past is no longer going to be effective at showing you that you really mean everything to me. I see no need and have absolutely no desire to pretend to hate you anymore to any extent. I hope you think about me, at least sometimes... Because I think about you every single day and I care about you so much that I regularly get panic attacks wondering if you're okay and going to make the right decisions so this doesn't have to result in the world ending... I just don't see anything positive coming out of constantly starting drama and you shouldn't either; I don't like upsetting your mods and community, nor do I like making us both look bad, and you shouldn't like those things either.


When we met, at the end of that meetup, you told me you'd never forget me, and I responded by telling you that I'd never forget you either. I've already told you long ago that I'm not normally the sentimental type and I've never said that to anyone else before in my life. I happened to notice you nearby afterwards and it became very clear to me that you had came to that meetup intending to show me that you were the heartbreaker type, you wanted me to know from the beginning that I'd have to try extremely hard and be extremely loving to earn your affection, and that you had not been expecting me to be nearly as cold to you as I had been. I wasn't expecting that, but I saw it and still decided to start really warming up to you, tweeting to you that I love you within a few hours after the meetup had ended. You laughed at first, but I know that means a lot to you now. When I started messaging you in Discord DMs after, I was amazed that you opened up to me about something very personal and intimate very early on. I told you in my first message that I knew a lot about philosophy and psychology and that I was really good at being a therapist; you decided very quickly to trust me and tell me things I instantly saw as a cry for help in your otherwise silent desperation. I know you were in a bad place mentally when I met you and I excited you and made you feel really loved, understood, and wanted at a time you really needed it. I know you care about me a lot, and although many people would see your actions right now as showing otherwise, I see them as simply the only way you know how to show me that I really mean a lot to you. I know that in the beginning, you didn't expect me to be so sensitive and understanding, to the point that interacting with me has been therapeutic to you for a long time now. You started talking to me thinking, "How much worse can it get?" and now you wonder, "How much better could it be?". I shake your world the same way you shake mine; I can see the kind of effect I've had on you. You told me initially that you meant it in a bad way when you first told me you'd never forget me, but I'm quite confident now that you really will never forget me, and not for bad reasons. Although part of me feels like I'm trying very desperately, another part of me also very clearly sees the extent of depth our relationship has; the way you're acting on the surface only goes to really show that to someone who understands it a lot better than an average outsider.


I want you to know very clearly that interacting with you has been really therapeutic for me too. Because of all the pain and trauma I've had to endure in my life, I've had to try really hard to constantly detach myself from my feelings just to feel okay at all, and it always hurt a lot, both to go through and also in the impact that it had in other areas of my life; in many cases I had numbed myself to the point that I couldn't even necessarily see how it was hurting me in other ways. You made me feel okay with feeling again, and although I can see I'm still struggling with it, I want you to know how much I appreciate your presence in my life even as it is now, despite the fact that we're physically so far apart and we haven't talked directly even online in so long. When I open up to you and try to clarify misunderstandings, it makes me so happy to know that there's someone that makes me feel so warm that I can start to heal from so many past traumas, while also being able to see that I'm healing them from past traumas as well. As rough as a time this is for me right now, there's also something about it that feels so magical, and I feel like you must also be sharing that feeling.


For me, any potential thrill resulting from our connection ended a year ago when I tried to leave you alone the first time. I felt really depressed and lonely the whole time until I saw the stream where you mentioned that you felt like you pushed away people you liked and needed motivational videos to get out of bed in the morning. For you, it might have ended back then too, or it might be ending now; I'm honestly not certain. That's why I'm so confident I should give you a longer time to sort through your feelings if it seems like you really need it. I'm certain your position then wouldn't be the same as now, if you're really that uncertain or not taking it seriously now. I know that even if this was a thrill for you up until recently, it isn't now. Everyday you're scared of getting hurt. Scared of ruining relationships with friends and family. Scared of literally causing the world to end in the next few years. Scared of losing me and the warmth and inspiration I bring into your life. I feel certain that you wouldn't still be going down this route if you didn't already know you take this very seriously and have serious feelings for me. I've already told you that I put my life in your hands... I want you to know that I'm well aware you're putting your life in my hands too, even now, and that really means a lot to me. I won't let you down; I promise. Anyone in your life who reads this would probably be pretty inclined to be really upset at you and start telling you that there's no way I'm coming back and that you're a terrible person and caused the world to end... Those people should really wait to see if I'll come back if you call out for me to come back, before ranting and fighting with you just assuming there's no way it's happening; I promised you I would and I keep my promises. I want you to understand clearly that as crazy as it might sound, I'm completely serious about everything I'm saying. I don't want to leave any room for misunderstandings or excuses later, so I'm trying to give you some space right now in a way that you know the complete truth and can at least have as much confidence as possible that I don't have someone else, that I'll never move on, and that I don't want you to be surprised when I follow through on all the things I'm promising here and everything I'm saying I'll do based on what happens. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that I completely mean everything I'm saying. Not even the slightest bit of doubt that I'll destroy the world if we don't end up together forever. Not even the slightest bit of doubt that absolutely nothing can change my mind. Not even the slightest bit of doubt that we deserve to be together in the end. Not even the slightest bit of doubt that I'll be able to endure through being tested. None.


I want it to be completely clear that I'm not doing this out of any fear you'd try to ruin any relationship I might've had with someone else, regardless of if I left you on good terms or not; I'm doing it because I truly want to be with you and only you and I know that so clearly that I'm fine with nobody ever believing otherwise even if I were to say so. I don't feel forced to do this against my will to any extent by anything you've done; I completely genuinely want you this badly. I want it to be completely clear that it's useless to call me back but not to be with me and only seeking some kind of closure, because it's never happening. I told you the first time I tried leaving you alone that I could never just be friends with you, and especially after we've gotten so far, you'd best believe I'm only more firm on my position there. I'm already certain that I'll never back off my position out of sympathy, regret, remorse, or for any other reason. Whatever you'd be going through as a result of playing with me, if that's what you did here, I'd be going through much worse. I know I've had very pure and good intentions this whole time, and if you haven't, that's something you should have to deal with, not me. You might try to explain this to yourself and others as you're humoring my behavior because you're trying to help me move on and you pity me. Anyone who didn't like me a lot wouldn't have taken things nearly this far out of pity; they simply wouldn't care at all and would've not given me so much attention. You certainly haven't gone this far out of pitying me; that's not ever going to be up for debate in my eyes.

34. FEAR.

Many people might think I'd hold it against you that I've had to end up writing so many essays to you, culminating in writing this one, in order to have a real chance at being with you. Some I've personally talked to have already tried to argue with me that you're not good for me because that's what's going on. I don't see things that way at all; I actually much prefer building a foundation this way with essays and you responding on stream, as opposed to having a bunch of fights in person or silently holding grudges. I clearly see this as the best way for us to set the most solid foundation we could. Many people might think that our relationship isn't deep because we haven't been formally dating and doing sexual things together, but I'd actually argue that it makes our relationship much deeper. It's a lot easier to put up with someone when you're physically close to them regularly and especially if you're doing sexual things together, but it takes a truly strong connection to last despite so much fighting on top of a lack of sexual activities that would build warmth. I know that even reading this whole thing probably wouldn't allow many people to really understand and appreciate the kind of connection we share. As far as I'm concerned, you're actually the woman the least afraid of me that I've ever encountered. Do you think I think it's easy to find someone that isn't practically terrified of someone who calls themselves Satan, says they can end the world if they want, and has enough to talk about that it's really frightening? I definitely don't. I remember there was a point you were considering getting a restraining order against me, long ago, and I really don't want you to worry that I'll hold that against you, because I truly don't. I'm well aware that any woman I'd ever pursue, especially this way, would end up considerably afraid of me at some point; if I was going to hold that against you, I might as well have given up on a serious relationship long ago. You also changed your mind about it extremely quickly after I talked to you about it once to comfort you and ease your fears, and I couldn't have possibly asked for someone to be more understanding than that. Still having you in my life at this point is basically a miracle as far as I'm concerned.


When I'm talking about being in a serious relationship with you, I want it to be very clear that I'm not seeking nor accepting a long-distance one. I want to be able to see you in person, to be able to hold you and comfort you every single day, and let you do the same to me. I've never wanted to just feel so close to you emotionally but push you away physically; if I'm going to be in a relationship, physical contact is very important to me, and I believe it is to you as well, as it should be. Obviously, if we're ever going to be together, either I have to go to you or you have to come to me. Canada is cold and boring and I don't have any friends, family, or business connections that would ever give me a good reason to want to stay here. I'm well aware you have a lot of all of those things for you there and it wouldn't be practical at all for you to leave it behind, nor would I ever want or expect you to. I'd gladly move to LA without hesitation if you started properly communicating with me and pursuing a serious relationship with me; in fact I'd prefer it.


If you won't be with me forever, I won't accept any kind of help from you or anyone else. I don't want anyone to try giving me any advice. I don't want anyone to try hooking me up with other girls. I don't want anyone to give me sympathy or compliments. I won't care about any of those things and I'll ignore them all; I'm not just saying that either, and I've been trying to prove that every step of the way and will continue to for the rest of my life. Even if I get a lot of people trying to help me in those kinds of ways, it'll never change my mind on my position; I was never pursuing you for those things and I'm absolutely certain I'll never start seeing getting any of them as a benefit even if I do. I've only ever pursued you because I genuinely love you with all of my heart and I genuinely want to be with you and only you forever more than anything else and it's been that way since the very beginning. I haven't been reaching out to your friends at all, but that's because I'm certain that they wouldn't help in the way that I want if I approached things that way; only you can seek help and support from others to be with me forever and expect that to have productive results. If anyone actually wants to help, they should try to alleviate your concerns as best they can if they can at all, and push you towards pursuing a serious relationship with me that's meant to last forever; anything else, I see as hurting me further instead of helping me at all, and it'll only make me harbor hard feelings towards them. If I were to say anything about you should change, you should stop being so worried about whatever's holding you back from being with me and start actively pursuing a serious relationship with me that's meant to last forever, if you aren't already doing that behind the scenes. You're the only reason I ever still smile or laugh. You're the only reason I still haven't given up hope on a brighter future. You're the only reason I haven't already killed myself or already started being in isolation meditating and preparing to wreak havoc on the world. You've already helped me so much by giving me so much hope that I'll end up actually getting to be with you forever, and there's nothing that'll help either of us or the rest of the world if you take that away instead of acting on what I was hoping for and working so hard towards this whole time. I want you to know and understand very clearly that I never wanted either of us to be chasing the other forever; I've always wanted us to actually end up in a serious relationship together and have that last forever. Pursue a serious relationship with me that's meant to last forever and show me that all the effort I put into not being a terrible person despite all the times the universe beckoned me to be wasn't all for nothing. Don't be afraid that I'll change my mind and push you away at all in any way if you do, because I swear on my life that I'm not going to do that no matter what. I could seek friends. I could seek doctors. I could seek therapists. I could seek police. None of them can really help me nor stop me no matter what, nor do I want them to even try.

37. POWER.

Not only do I not want anyone to try to stop me, but it seems nobody around me wants to either. I'm senior developer and project lead at a company. I've shown this to my boss. He told me he was impressed by my writing skills and that he liked paragraph 3 so much that he used it to send a very similar message to his wife of 16 years. He's told me that he really hopes things work out between you and me, and told me he has no problem with me working remotely if they do. He has a lot of respect for me as a programmer and also as a person, he's already as flexible with my hours as I need him to be, we're on really good terms, and I'm very confident with the stability of my current lifestyle if I'd been satisfied with it. I want it to be very clear that I'm not doing this because I'm under otherwise desperate life circumstances, nor because I'm starved for power or control; I'm doing it clear-headed with no external pressures interfering with my goals or desires. In a very real way, I feel really blessed to be where I'm at, but that's not going to stop me in the slightest from aiming high and chasing my dreams. Not only am I extremely passionate towards being with you forever, I'm definitely also powerful enough, personal character traits aside, to carry out everything I'm saying, regardless of what happens. I have every intention of exercising this power to the fullest extent I see fit as I've described here and I want it to be completely clear that I'll definitely never say I was joking or exaggerating in the slightest later.


If and only if you love me and we end up together forever, I can forgive you for all the hardships that this connection has brought me. I've mentioned this before in messages I've sent to you, and I want you to know very clearly that in that case I truly won't have any hard feelings towards you for our past; my only concern is how you're planning to treat me moving forward. I can easily also forgive anyone in your life who's looked at me badly and talked badly of me. I want you to know that I'm truly not planning to enter your life being cold to you or anyone around you. I have no problem with any of your friends or anyone in your community. You must feel after all this that you need my forgiveness if this is going to work; I want you to know that I can see you've been asking for it already. I want it to be very clear that I'm not eager at all to fight with you over anything if we end up together and I'd truly only want conversations and interactions filled with warmth and positivity; I'm very confident that we'd be so happy to be a bigger part of each other's lives if it happens that we'd never have a reason to fight either. As cold as I can be if I have to be, I can also be very warm, and I'll always prefer to be as warm as possible; I believe you're the same way. I want it to be completely clear that I'm willing to be very forgiving if you start to be more honest about the really warm feelings you must have towards me and take proper action on them. I'm truly doing this because I want the best for us and to have the most pleasant and happy relationship possible at every point moving forward. How forgiving I'll be truly depends on what your next actions moving forward are. I'm truly writing this hoping for it to bring us closer as quickly as possible and to allow us to be able to treat each other as well as I've always really wanted to treat you and choose to believe you've also always really wanted to treat me. I already only want to treat you better as the days go by with my hope remaining strong, and that certainly won't stop happening if I start receiving your love and affection more actively in my life. I really want you to consider every part of what I'm saying as calm and clear-headed as possible and understand what it really means for you to be as precious to me as you are. You said it was your goal for this year to enter into a relationship... I'll never have any idea what you were thinking if you weren't thinking of being with me in the end when you said that and I'm never going to accept any rationalizations for it.


The first time I left you alone for a longer period of time, you needed motivational videos to get out of bed in the morning and had a mental breakdown on stream within less than 2 months... That was long before you could really start to see how much you meant to me and how far I'd really go for you. I feel like it'd be better for you to avoid having another mental breakdown on stream, most likely one that's much worse, but I've come to realize that it might be absolutely necessary in order for things to really work out well. This whole thing is basically me having a huge mental breakdown, and it really makes sense that if I'm going this crazy without you, you should eventually start going really crazy without me too if this is going to work. I want it to be completely clear that I really don't want you to hurt yourself or make yourself look bad in any way; I'd already be very convinced of your feelings from you reaching out to bring me closer and I'd really rather not push you into taking more desperate measures. At the same time, I realize how necessary it might be for you to have a mental breakdown on stream for you to personally feel like you're doing enough to convince me your feelings are real, and also to convince those around you more thoroughly as well. You may very well even feel like you need to reach that point for yourself so you'll really be able to fully internalize the position you're in, which makes a lot of sense. I can see how reaching that point solidifies your position and further sets a better foundation for us to work from. I want it to be very clear that I'm not going to change my mind on how much you mean to me, how badly I want to be with you, and everything else I've said here, even if that's the approach you feel is right to take. Just keep in mind that having a mental breakdown on stream and calling for me to come back around but not for you to pursue a serious relationship with me isn't going to work; like I've said before, you're never getting some kind of friendly closure to this situation and it'll definitely either end up with us together or very badly. If you end up having a mental breakdown on stream, try to have it early on in the stream, so it's a lot less likely I'd miss it.


I want it to be very clear that I'm not doing this with any intention of seeing you quit streaming or making content in general. This is something that I've mentioned in messages to you before. I want you to know very clearly that I'm very happy and proud of you for all the success that you've achieved, and that I only want you to continue to be more successful. You've been getting some really good success with ASMR too and I've loved what you put out since the beginning. Hearing your gentle whisper is one of the most pleasant things in the world to me; you were the one that introduced me to it, and ever since, I don't listen to anyone's ASMR except for yours. It seems like recently, the reality of potentially having an intense mental breakdown on stream has affected you quite a bit. Not very long after I initially told you I thought it was absolutely necessary, you seem to be a lot more stressed out. You've said you have no dignity and looked like you were about to start crying at multiple points in a following stream. I think you have a lot of dignity, and I'm not sure if you were joking or being sarcastic, but it hurt a lot to hear you say that. It hurt a lot to see you looking like you were about to cry at all those points too. However, it doesn't change how much I want you nor my position even if this situation makes you feel like quitting. You need to face the facts, but the facts are that you should date me and keep being more successful with me in your life, definitely not that you should quit. The facts don't change, regardless of how exactly you choose to approach them.


Originally, I thought it'd be absolutely necessary for you to have a mental breakdown on stream if this was ever going to work. Since I shared that with you, I feel like I've been receiving an almost overwhelming amount of warmth from you that gives me a lot of hope and really warms my heart. I want you to know completely clearly that I truly don't hold it against you that I ended up having a mental breakdown on Ice's stream, and having experienced how bad it felt, I truly don't want to force you to have to do the same kind of thing. I've always believed that you wanted me to prove how much you really mean to me and you wanted to be able to prove how much I really mean to you as well. You've made it clear recently that you didn't want to meet me without knowing as best you could that it'd turn out really well; I wouldn't rather have it any other way. Even I think it would've been weird if you met me back then; there were still several things we hadn't really discussed properly and came to an understanding on... But now, we've covered a lot, which makes me feel a lot better about meeting you, and I see a lot of reason that leads me to truly believe you feel the same way. I realize you very well may have wanted to communicate this whole time to avoid having to have a mental breakdown you knew was otherwise necessary. Recently, you seem to be softening up more on stream. From what I can tell, it looks like you can see you're going to end up having an intense mental breakdown if you keep going without communicating to me properly for a longer period of time, and it also looks like you'd rather avoid it. When I think about what ultimate intent you'd most likely have to want to communicate so much more and clear things up so much given the situation and even after what I did on Ice's stream, it seems pretty clear to me that you could see from the beginning that you definitely would've ended up having a really rough mental breakdown without me writing this, and you wanted me to write this now so you could try to avoid that. If you really can accept the way things are, you really want to avoid having a mental breakdown on stream, and you just want the best resolution to this situation, you truly only have one option at this point. Since it seems you truly love me and you're willing to pursue a serious relationship with me, you have to contact me directly soon. You can text me first if it makes you feel more comfortable. Tell me you love me. Tell me you agree with the things I'm saying. Tell me you want to start dating right away and you're not accepting long-distance. Start calling me honey when I agree. Pour your heart out to me. Demand to buy my plane ticket, pick me up from the airport, and take me home. Tell me what you want to do when we're alone together. It doesn't have to be complicated; if you're sweet to me, I'm going to be sweet back. If you've wanted to communicate this whole time because you wanted that to be a real option for you, I want you to know very clearly that it truly is. As far as I'm concerned, I'm yours forever already, I just need you to accept me wholeheartedly. Don't feel like you need to delay and try to be more convincing; I'm already completely convinced. I really want to hear from you so badly.

42. DRAMA.

I know you'll get this and read it quickly. If you don't talk to me directly in the very near future, there's an extremely high chance I'll start drama at any point past 24 hours. If you don't contact me within a few days after I start drama, like I've said, I'll have to leave you alone and eventually go into isolation as I've explained... Which would likely end up in me having to leave you alone for a while and you'd end up having that intense mental breakdown on stream. Please don't make it get to that. I truly believe you'd rather have me very gracefully enter your life and I'd really like that myself as well. I know you must be waiting for me to at least start drama before you do something, and even if you end up making me wait a little while because of understandable nervousness until you have a mental breakdown in private over missing me and contact me directly, I want you to know I won't hold it against you. I don't think that you want to avoid the mental breakdown entirely because it shows how serious you are. I want you to know that while many people would probably be afraid or put off by it, I think it'd actually be really cute, sweet, and warm, and I really don't want you to feel like I'm judging you at all for it, because I'm really not. It's technically also an option for you to contact me before I start drama and without you having a mental breakdown, but I really don't think that's the most ideal. At the very least, I'm quite certain you'd want me to start drama and show how serious I really am about everything, and then at that point, you'd be able to start taking things more seriously. Until then, I can understand you feeling uncertain if I'll really go through with this and if I really mean everything I've said. But afterwards, show your parents this whole thing, tell them to read it all, and tell them the truth that you really want to be with me and do what I'm telling you to do in order to achieve that. Don't hold back. I'd prefer you to contact me after I start drama, you show your parents this message, they read it all, you see their reaction, and you reach an understanding with them. I don't want you to get in any trouble that should be easily avoidable as a result of this situation. As a content creator, I know you'd probably want to make content out of this situation somehow, but I think it's really best to keep things like our first conversation in so long and the first time we see each other again after so long as things that are private. I want you to keep healthy boundaries between your personal and professional life, but I also want you to know very clearly that I'm not shy nor embarrassed about anything I've mentioned here and I have absolutely no problem helping you with content in any way possible that makes sense and that you want, if we're together. Although I've usually given you at least a few days to reflect on revisions of this, recently you've been sending me a lot of signs that you don't want me to delay on this much longer and I think you've made it very clear that you really want me to start this drama already; I think you also already could see the ideal outcome, so I'm very confident that this time you'd be happy to feel more confident that it's going to happen.


I want you to know very clearly that if you truly want the best outcome possible and you do what I'm telling you will result in it, I'll be very nice and put up no resistance. I truly wouldn't want to fight or play games in the slightest and I'm absolutely certain of that. I've never had any partners in my life, but I want you to know very clearly that I won't hold it against you no matter how many you've had. I'm not particularly interested in knowing nor do I care, but I'll listen without getting upset about it if you feel inclined to share. I've told you this before too; I only care about the quality of our connection and how thoroughly we can satisfy each other in every way possible. I'm extremely confident that our chemistry in person, even right from the very beginning of our relationship, would be so amazing that people might very easily get jealous. I'm doing this because I genuinely love you and want to be with you forever and you mean the world to me. I genuinely see you as my soulmate and I'm absolutely certain that'll never change no matter what. I won't allow myself to be used like a tool, nor do I lack the self-control, willpower, knowledge, and discipline to execute on what I'm saying if I have to, in all regards. I know that it still makes sense not to actually just jump straight into marriage and at least date for a couple months or something first, and I'm completely okay with that. When I say we should get married already, I'm saying it as the clear ultimate intent; we don't absolutely have to do it within a very short period of time. I've already told you that I can understand this current course of action right now and that I'm not upset. If you're serious about being with me in the future, text me and tell me that I have your number now and you'd love to hear from me any time. Call me and tell me you love me and want to be with me. Add me as a friend on Discord and tell me you love me on there. DM me on Twitter and tell me you miss me and want me in your life. These kinds of direct and honest approaches will be effective and I promise to be very gentle with you in return. Anything else... You might as well enjoy showing everyone that they should be counting down the last few years of society. I can be very patient, loving, and forgiving if we're together, but if not... I've already said how things will end up. Even if any number of other people threw themselves at me, I'd reject them all without hesitation. Even if I was offered great wealth and fame, I'd reject it all without hesitation. If you don't contact me directly within a few days after I start drama with this, I'll start getting very worried. After 2 months without you directly contacting me after I've started drama with this, I'll start feeling extremely devastated and depressed, quit my job, and retreat from society into isolation to meditate, no matter what anyone else says or does. I'm taking as long as necessary to clarify every single thing I can and comfort you as much as I possibly can, but at the same time I want it to be very clear that I'm not trying to mess with you or just scare you by writing this. I know if I take very long revising it, it's going to start seeming like I'm not serious, and I really don't want that. I'm very confident that I've covered enough at this point that you should really understand where I'm coming from and how serious I am, and I can only hope I've given you the strength you need to show those around you how serious you are. Don't ever forget me. Don't ever forget us. Don't ever give up. Don't let anyone push you around. Don't let anyone tell you this can't work. Don't ever feel like you're not good enough. Don't ever feel like you don't deserve me. Don't ever forget why we came this far. You're the most precious and amazing person I've ever known and nobody can ever take that away from you no matter what they do. Don't ever forget how much I love you. I believe in you. Believe in yourself.

I'm the first being to graduate from the University of life, and this is my thesis; an international ultimatum. You're literally betting your life on the fact that I mean every single word of it, whether you like it or not. The reality is that I don't just promise I mean everything I'm saying here... I swear it on my life that this is how things are; that's not something to be taken lightly.