Despite continued extensive efforts, I haven't been getting quite the kind of result I've been after. It's still unclear to me if I will ever get what I want or not, and it's been quite intense and difficult to try to figure out what, if anything, there even is that I could do to most effectively maximize my chances of achieving my goals.
I thought about things a lot, and I felt like there was still something missing from this book. It needed one more chapter. One that clarifies everything as best as possible in a way that truly cannot be to any reasonable extent warped in the perception of my intentions in writing it, and also ensures as best as possible that any idea that my position can ever be manipulated is thoroughly decimated.
While many may consider that I obviously have reasons to continue to express feelings towards Kimi completely unrelated to truly loving her, the feelings I express towards Chloe likely leave many in a state of considerable confusion as to my true thoughts, feelings, intentions, and goals, in expressing feelings towards either woman, despite me stating them bluntly.
Perhaps there is something extremely important about completely lacking an ego that many have considerable difficulty understanding. While I can appreciate the pleasantness in receiving validation, I don't ever do anything to seek validation to any extent in any way for anything in life, no matter what it is or how important or unimportant it is to me or anyone else.
If people try to treat me like I have an ego, while I will not bend over backwards to attempt to convince them I don't, if the person matters to me, I won't simply let them treat me as such and get away with it or believe they're in the right for doing it. I will show them the whole truth, and not because I have pride to defend or any shallow bullshit like that, but because doing so is a mature presentation of the extent of my self-love and self-respect.
People have and surely will continue, in my experience of life, to attempt to pressure me to seek validation from them in the ways that they want to give it to me, often with a lot of if not complete disregard for what kind of validation they actually SHOULD be offering for me desiring it to be congruent with my desires and goals in life. Not only is such behavior and attitudes from them a very blatant demonstration of their own ego, it's also extremely selfish and disrespectful to me. Having reached the point in life I'm at in being a Permanent Chief of the Shadow Confederation, with the core value of refined pure bidirectional apprehension that I'm at, it will NEVER change who I am and what I want. Nor should it.
Just because people WANT me to have an ego, and perhaps try to TREAT me like I do, and perhaps even unwaveringly maintain such attitudes and behaviors to their grave, even if it's to the severe detriment of not only themselves but also many others, DOES NOT MEAN I WILL SUDDENLY CHANGE TO MEET THEIR DESIRES/EXPECTATIONS, NOR THAT I WILL EVER EVEN REMOTELY WANT TO FOR ANY REASON UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!
The fact that people are so lost within their egos that they are so deeply delusional as to believe they can somehow work against reality so severely as to fucking WILL me into having an ego, ESPECIALLY at the OBVIOUS SEVERE detriment to myself in multiple ways, is a fact of reality that I find considerably disturbing in and of itself. It makes me seriously question the considerable extent of faith in humanity that I currently continue to possess despite incomparably immense reason not to have any bit of faith in humanity left at all.
The fact that I've had to go through everything I've had to go through in life, simply to stay alive and retain my sanity and a sufficient level of self-love and self-respect to not want to commit suicide, is already deeply disturbing to me.
The fact that even despite everything I've had to go through already and still continue to go through with my incomparably immense efforts in trying to have healthy relationships with Kimi and Chloe, it seems almost certain I'll never have anything even resembling such with either of them no matter how deeply I want and deserve it or how incomparably immense of an effort I put in to do every single possible thing I could ever fathom reasonably having a chance at achieving my ultimate fantasy, is even more deeply disturbing to me.
The fact that even despite my incomparably immense efforts to bring the truth to light and seek the only possible extremely positive outcome instead of the extremely negative one I probably should've accepted being forced to embrace long ago, society (including even the legal system) not only facilitates but effectively encourages both women to act in an EXTREMELY predatory fashion, and inflicting that upon me relentlessly in a completely unbounded fashion, is so extremely deeply disturbing to me that I'm thoroughly convinced that anyone witnessing my current attitudes and behaviors should quite literally consider it a miracle that the current state of affairs, both in my connection with these women as well as in the world as a whole, is the way it is instead of already much worse.
Perhaps it may not seem like it to others, but the path I'm pursuing, with the attitude I'm persisting with, is the one that demonstrates not only the utmost integrity to myself, but also the utmost kindness to myself. I know EXTREMELY clearly how I feel and what I want. I know with absolute unwavering certainty what things I feel so extremely strongly about to the point that no amount of time or any external world circumstance changes could ever even slightly change how I feel other than my feelings getting even stronger. It's so much so that it'd actually be FAR less kind to myself to even ATTEMPT to deny my feelings, and even ATTEMPT to live my life as such, than it'd be to completely accept who I am and live my life how my mind, heart, and soul tell me feels most right to me.
If being kindest to myself results in me being the meanest to others, THEN SO BE IT!!! As far as I'm concerned, that's IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER an indication of me possessing mental illness of ANY kind to ANY degree, nor in ANY way an indication that I should or will change my perspective to ANY extent for ANY reason under ANY set of circumstances. FAR more than anything else, I consider it simply a painfully clear reflection of how horrendously monstrously psychotically heartless and cruel those I'm closest to and love the most have been to me, and the true extent to which they have given me the deepest possible hatred and disrespect that I never deserved nor wanted.
As far as I'm concerned, if people even think I'm being mean at all, it's because they truly have no idea what love really is, and/or they're so evil in nature that they consciously choose to reject being truly loving. There are SO MANY things I could've done, ways I could've responded to this situation, and feelings I could've had in response to it, that are different from the way things currently are. LITERALLY ALL of those are more hateful, at the very least in nature, if not blatantly right on the surface level, than how things currently are. Any belief to the contrary is sheer delusion that shouldn't even exist in the mind of an individual with an even truly reasonably decent level of intellectual and emotional awareness.
Changing my attitude is effectively being UNKIND to myself, and compromising not only my integrity, but also my self-love and self-respect, which will ultimately deteriorate at my will and desire to live. Not only would I NEVER compromise my self-love and self-respect for ANYTHING or ANYONE, I CERTAINLY would NEVER even CONSIDER compromising them for people that would've made it so nightmarishly painfully clear to me that they couldn't deserve me even considering doing it for them any less. For them to even think I would do so regardless... That is only the MOST SEVERE form of hatred and disrespect, not to mention delusion.
I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO desire to compromise my values and principals, and seek to simply "take things slower" and attempt to enjoy the "good" moments when things are better, and worry about the shittier moments later when I'm forced to face them. Not only is that stupid and shallow in general, it's ESPECIALLY stupid and shallow for me, and more than that, anyone with even HALF a brain should see that adopting such a mentality myself would be EXTREMELY suicidal and destructive for me. Also, personally, I'm WAY too much of a real ass motherfucker to EVER be able to truly AT ALL enjoy "good" moments if I know even trying to do so carries a feeling of impending doom of much worse moments later on as a result of any degree of ignorance and/or negligence on my part.
I don't give a flying fuck if I'm boring or not to others or myself. If you're a thrill-chaser, you're just displaying one of the primary hallmarks of being a sociopath/psychopath. I don't pursue thrill; I pursue deeply meaningful satisfaction. Deeply meaningful satisfaction can contain thrill sometimes, but it NEVER comes at the detriment of true fulfillment or ANY degree of cost towards self-love or self-respect.
I feel like society tries to force on me to practically blindly be more boring to others, and perhaps offering the "reward" to be less boring to myself. But that's complete horseshit. I'm extremely intelligent and find it extremely difficult to function without often extremely carefully thinking everything I do through, particularly so in more important decisions. Although I find I typically have to be quite open and honest to really go anywhere with anyone, which I suppose is alright with me because I've never been the type to enjoy being a fake ass motherfucker anyways, being more boring to others puts a lot more stress on myself to figure out what their possible thoughts and intentions are, because I've put myself at a massive disadvantage of making myself vulnerable to them.
Simultaneously, I'm not making me any less boring to myself either, because I feel the need to figure out how my life will turn out in the hands of others until I succeed and am able to use all the possibilities I calculated to continue to carve a path for myself based on my own desires and goals instead of anyone else's.
If I didn't do things the way I do them now, I can pretty much guarantee you I would've ended up getting killed or committing suicide long ago, before Kimi learned I even exist.
Feeding into society's narrative, to me personally, just equates to completely relinquishing any true notion of control and free will over my life, and throwing my life in the hands of others, who, ESPECIALLY with how powerful I am and how much they stand to gain from manipulating me, will COMPLETELY unapologetically manipulate the living shit out of me and do everything in their power to ultimately drive me to suicide, knowing I'd have to be INSANELY stupid and suicidal to both know how powerful I am and how smart I should be as a result of that, and also to ignore what that intelligence I have is constantly screaming to me, even despite being able to see painfully clearly that it's most likely I'll be manipulated like hell and people will try to use and abuse me and then gaslight the shit out of me into believing I'M the demon and the reason my life is absolutely miserable, and I'm such a horrible piece of shit I should just kill myself because the world is truly better off without me, because they obviously want to avoid The Great Retribution that they so disgustingly obviously deserve for inflicting what they are inflicting on me despite the immensely incomparable extent to which I don't, never did, and never will want nor deserve such attitudes and behaviors towards me.
This world is one where being the apparently extremely rare combination of extremely intelligent, extremely kind-hearted in nature, and extremely displeased with any kind of pain for any reason, means you're going to be misunderstood and mistreated A LOT. All of the significant people in my life that are deeply wronging me are certainly no exception to my experience in this regard, but perhaps starting to become aware of how deeply I've had to come to terms with recognizing dealing with this disturbing fact of reality is necessary to reach pretty much anywhere meaningful I want to go in life will give them all a better understanding of why I'm not acting very differently.
While the communication I've been doing in private with several people, mostly people quite close to Kimi, already should be sufficient to ultimately find the complete truth of my potential with Kimi and whether or not I'm going to have to pursue exacting The Great Retribution on her and all of them, I feel like my behavior towards Chloe is still quite lacking in that regard, and this is probably the biggest remaining possible source of confusion.
Just as I feel the need to do so to Kimi, I need to also make absolutely certain that Chloe can't underhandedly reject me now, and later at a time of extremely brutal retribution, attempt to manipulate me into believing she loved me the whole time and I just didn't give her a true opportunity to show it. After all, I truly love both of these women extremely deeply, and I'm absolutely completely painfully certain that if I ever left such a possibility open, they'd almost certainly attempt to capitalize on it, and I'd feel extremely deeply torn on what to do and flooded with regret that my massive negligence left me in such a devastating circumstance.
I've written a message to Chloe that is my best attempt to clarify the truth of the situation to her and truly offers her one final opportunity to pursue a truly healthy relationship with me and essentially throw herself at me extremely passionately before it's too late, making it painfully clear that not doing so within a very reasonable amount of time equates to committing to having The Great Retribution exacted upon her.
I've very seriously considered e-mailing it to her directly, but considering that it's technically illegal for me to directly communicate with her, and I currently have absolutely zero good reason to believe she wouldn't go right to the cops with such contact from me and likely even lie to them however she feels like to try to maximize the amount of jail time I end up doing for it, regardless of what my intentions are... That doesn't seem like a very good idea at all, so I won't be doing it.
Instead, like usual, I'll simply inform everyone I've been communicating with privately of the update I've made, and leave it entirely up to their own volition whether or not they feel like informing Chloe about it. Many of them already know her e-mail address, and I see multiple reasons they would want to forward the e-mail I end up sending them about this update to her entirely of their own volition, much like I'm pretty sure they've been forwarding other e-mails I send them to her as well for the same kinds of reasons.
At this point, I've included on several occasions legal disclaimers in my messages explicitly reiterating that I'm not demanding or even requesting that they communicate with Kimi, Chloe, or anyone else it's technically illegal for me to have direct or indirect communication with, and almost always start messages I'm not explicitly stating such by at least reiterating that the legal disclaimers I've given multiple times in previous messages continue to apply to the current and any future messages. So there shouldn't be anything illegal about this.
Hopefully, she actually reads all of it and thinks very carefully about the decision she makes, unlike last time she got a message from a member of the Shadow Confederation I've never even heard of or spoken to in my life before, acting entirely of his own volition with various knowledge he must've read in my book and heard from other members, where Chloe apparently "read a little bit" before reporting it to the police the same exact day, after "feeling inconvenienced and annoyed" to get a message she felt completely convinced must've been from me, like a fucking massively pretentious suicidal psycho bitch, since she thinks I'm completely delusional and the Shadow Confederation doesn't exist so it must've been me pretending to be someone else as some ridiculously pathetic attempt to harass her out of malicious intent.
Naturally, since the criminal justice system is fucked up, I learned I had absolutely no real way to fight the charge in trial, so I had to plead guilty and serve a bunch of time for that. Although there really shouldn't be anything illegal about what I'm doing here, I'm pretty sure the criminal justice system is so fucked up I probably could get charged and be forced to endure living on the run or facing more jail time being inflicted on me over this if she felt like crying to the cops about it.
That's why I've taken certain measures to deter her (as well as Kimi and her associates) from taking such a destructive and suicidal path. Still, I find it quite disturbing that reality is so fucked up, but of course, that's life. If the cops want to insult and punish me over my best efforts to try to prevent having to exact The Great Retribution, perhaps they'll just end up being a more significant part of those that will have it exacted upon them with increased brutality, those arrogant jackasses.
Of course, the cops don't actually care to do their research regarding all the lies Chloe told them when reporting the last direct communication she suspected I had with her before my last jail bit, or at all take into consideration my feelings that Chloe's been underhandedly doing things for years to strongly suggest to me that she has secretly had intense romantic and sexual feelings towards me that she's been consciously suppressing but ultimately unable to completely hold back.
Of course, they don't care how she posted a picture showing off her heavenly butt in tight white jeans on Facebook, despite never once showing it off before then, very shortly after that encounter where I took her aside privately in a 1-on-1 and expressed intense arousal and desire for her and especially her butt. Even if she was confronted about it now, she'd probably lie and say it was "just a coincidence" or "meant for someone else", and they'd completely believe her without thinking twice about it.
Of course, they don't care how she very obviously fully consciously and intentionally bent all the way right over at a 90 degree angle pretty much right in front of my face, for an extended period of time, literally less than 2 meters away from me right across a high school hallway with nothing and nobody in between us, after I had expressed intense arousal and desire for her and especially her butt, for no truly even remotely good reason to ever do so besides very intentionally wanting to give me a heavenly view of her body she knew would greatly arouse me, while she saw me with an iPod Touch with camera capabilities out and fully capable of taking pictures and video of the view she obviously knew I'd want to masturbate profusely to, as I was sitting down and facing precisely the direction she was bending over in, with absolutely no good reason whatsoever for me to look away or refrain from opening the camera app and taking pictures and video of the heavenly view in front of me so I could masturbate profusely to it later. Even if she was confronted about it now, she'd probably lie and say she "didn't think about it and wasn't paying attention" or even that it "never happened", and again, they'd completely believe her without thinking twice about it.
I'm absolutely certain that deleting the pictures and videos I took of that heavenly view long ago, out of a feeling of guilt and shame due to not realizing how obviously intentional her giving me the ability to have such masturbation material of her was, is definitely the closest thing to a regret I'll ever have in my life. If I hadn't deleted them long ago after having them for less than even a year, I'm absolutely certain I would've still been masturbating to them profusely every single day to this day.
Of course, they don't care how she spread rumors to all my (for a long time now since ex-) high school friends talking about me asking to touch her butt, but in the most shady questionable way where I could never be certain whether she was just trying to humiliate me and damage my reputation, or tactfully reciprocate affection and desire towards me, which I felt too embarrassed and confused in her intentions in doing so to ever talk to any of them about. If she was trying to have a healthy relationship with me, why didn't she just admit she secretly has feelings for me that she regrets hiding from me and tell them about how I literally asked her out and told her she's really hot? That's A LOT less questionable and difficult to approach talking about, which I'd imagine should be quite obvious. But of course, she could simply deny any of this ever happened, and the cops would just believe her without even thinking twice.
Of course, they don't care how for years after high school ended, she's dyed her hair pink and purple multiple times, knowing I told her back in high school I like those hair colors, despite her at the time responding that I was weird and she'd never do so. I have several pictures to provide extensive evidence of her doing this, but of course, she could simply deny it was intended to send me a message, and they'd just believe her without even thinking twice.
Of course, they don't care how she even went so far as to wear a T-shirt with the English "So salty" and Korean Hangul underneath on a salt shaker, with her hair dyed shades of pink and some shades that even look purple-ish, to obviously take a jab at expressing her jealousy over my obvious tendency to typically favor the appearance of Korean women, which I'd made quite obvious to her by asking the only Korean girl in our whole grade to be my prom date, a woman I could barely call myself even acquaintances with, instead of any of the multiple other women I was good friends with and talked to on a near-daily basis. I literally have the picture of this to prove it, but she could lie and say it was "all a coincidence" and I'm just reading way too much into it, and they'd just believe her without thinking twice.
Of course, they don't care how she took the opportunity to look at my crotch the first chance she could get to do so without me noticing in person, even though she could see my phone right in front of my chest and knew I was recording her doing so, in the last time I met her in person which I ended up getting charged for harassment for doing. I literally still have the video evidence of this and would have no problem showing it to them, but she could just lie and say some bullshit like she was "looking at the floor" or something, and they'd just believe her without thinking twice.
Of course, they don't care how disgustingly blatantly sadistic, cruel, and predatory her attitude and all of her behaviors towards me for the past decade ever since I bluntly admitted extremely deep attraction and desire towards her have been if she doesn't have extremely deep warm and loving romantic and sexual feelings towards me that she has every intention to pursue if I only give her the chance to feel right doing so.
Of course, they don't care how her attitude and behavior towards me, that persists very much so even to this day, has always extremely strongly suggested that had I neglected her and simply pursued Kimi (or any other woman, or even nobody at all for that matter) and popped off with fame and fortune, Chloe would most likely become increasingly obsessed with me and start stalking me and likely causing friction in my relationship with Kimi (or whoever else I might be interested in) and attempting to sabotage my success and happiness to the furthest possible extent, expressing extremely intense romantic and sexual desire towards me in public but getting extremely disgusting sadistic satisfaction completely denying me of the sexual intimacy with her that she knows I extremely deeply will forever crave, while making my life as miserable as she possibly can by constantly gaslighting me into regretting not trying harder with her, all the while likely attempting to also take advantage of the situation and the fuckery she'd be inflicting upon me to get her brand attention.
Of course, they don't care how horrendously destructive it'd be for me to simply accept exacting an extremely brutal retribution on her in the future where I become an extremely brutal heartless dictator of the world, and neglect to give her a real chance to make things better and have a proper, healthy loving relationship with me instead of invariably having to face such a dark and unfortunate fate.
Of course, they don't care how she's made me ridiculously horny ever since I first saw her in grade 9 and I've only genuinely been more turned on by her every day since then to the point where I never want to go a single day without masturbating to her at least a few times, and I genuinely find her body so immensely incomparably arousing that I honestly feel like it's absolutely certain I would've been this turned on by her even if she hadn't done nearly so many things to mess with me increasingly intensely ever since I first made it clear to her nearly a decade ago that I have extremely strong romantic and sexual feelings for her.
No, it doesn't matter even if I'm directly or indirectly seeking communication with her with the best possible intentions and her best interests in mind; it's still illegal, and if she decides to be a suicidal sadistic psychopath bitch and go cry to the cops about how good of a person I am to still give her a chance to shape up and stop being so destructive, I'm probably still looking at jail time, probably at least a month or two. So no direct or indirect communication with her from me it is.
But you know what? I'm no jackass airhead dipshit assclown like most of society is these days. I don't half-ass my shit. If I'm going to have to become an extremely brutal heartless dictator of the world that's forced to exact an extremely brutal retribution on a woman that I've loved so much for so long and find incomparably sexy and precious, because she's secretly been a disgustingly horrible heartless psychopath with the worst possible sadistic tendencies to be incomparably disgustingly cruel to me without even being open to ever drastically changing no matter how detrimental remaining the way she is would be, much to my dismay and disappointment, I want to make sure that I'm absolutely certain she is that monster that I will forever feel completely deserves such a fate, before exacting it upon her completely unapologetically. I know how badly I extremely deeply will forever wish that she wasn't so fucked up.
If any of the jackasses in the criminal justice system are even thinking of giving me jail time over this, it will surely be the last time they will ever get to do so, because believe me, this chance I'm giving Chloe will truly be the very last. And I will make sure whichever Crown and judge end up sentencing me will deeply regret their actions in the future. Two of the three Crowns that tried to prosecute me for my last sets of charges mysteriously went missing, and I don't know what's going to happen to the third Crown and the judge that made the final ruling; they're lucky if they get to keep their lives. Whatever clowns prosecute me if I get charged for giving Chloe a final opportunity to act right with the best of intentions towards her in mind? Who knows what'll end up happening to them.
This is what I have to say to Chloe at this point.
What's up, you ridiculously unbelievably incomparably perfectly voluptuous sexy goddess that I truly love with all of my mind, heart, and soul incomparably deeply.
It's your master speaking. But don't be too alarmed; I truly mean that in the most loving and affectionate way possible. I've never enjoyed hurting you, scaring you, or insulting you in any way to any degree; I just want to make sure that you know your place, and see if you're willing to act properly and positively in response to me making it painfully clear to you, or if you're truly an irredeemable extremely destructive suicidal psychopath.
I'd STRONGLY suggest you read this message in its entirety and very carefully think about what you want to do next, before extremely suicidally and destructively rushing to cry to the cops like a complete psychopath. Otherwise, you're lucky if the government itself (or the Shadow Confederation, who you should also be quite worried about at this point if you have even half a brain) doesn't end up underhandedly exacting some form of extremely brutal retribution on you before I even get to you.
So, you think I'm a joke, huh? That I'm delusional? I'll have you know this "delusional" motherfucker has met bikers, mafia, triads, and serious gangsters in jail. I haven't done a one-two small bit now. I've done big boy time. Hard time. And you'd best believe I commanded fucking respect in jail even from the biggest boys I encountered in there, and I had every range I ever landed on mindfucked at my existence.
Just from my jail time alone, I now have numbers I could call, and in return for using my computer skills to do some favors for them, they'll happily find you, kidnap you, tie you up and bring you to me, and let me do whatever I want to you, and then they'll kill you and dispose of your dead body in a way where no evidence remains and I can never be charged. As they say, "No body no crime". And believe me, there will be no body once they're done throwing you in the deep freeze, chopping your frozen body up, throwing the pieces in an incinerator until all that's left is ashes, and then they disperse those in the nearest large body of water. I've learned this is the way serial killers typically flawlessly get away with their murders.
I'm refraining from going down such a dark path with you for two very good reasons.
First, I truly love you extremely deeply and would infinitely rather have an extremely tender, loving, warm relationship with you, which I can only even attempt to reach for at this point by being as patient as reasonably possible with you and being very understanding that it makes sense you'd be confused about my true feelings and intentions. Even if you're very open to at least giving a relationship with me a real chance, I'll never know if I don't do my absolute best to show you I've truly always wanted it extremely badly.
Second, I know that I can haunt the living shit out of you and get even more satisfaction ultimately making you extremely deeply regret ever being born at the time of The Great Retribution if you don't change your extremely toxic, destructive, and cruel attitude you appear to have had towards me for years now, and I can feel even more justified in taking even more enjoyment in every single moment of my revenge on you at that point, right from the very moment of seeing the look of sheer terror in your eyes when I appear in front of you and instantly show you the power of my quantum energy arts I'll have greatly trained by then, and you realize even the world's most powerful armies and law enforcement are completely powerless to save you from the horrendous doom that you will so painfully instantly realize you are about to start experiencing from that moment forwards.
So when I say I'm your master, you should be quite aroused to hear me talk to you this way at this point, considering how I'm choosing this over the alternative I'd want to take if I didn't. I truly hope you're very aroused, and I want you to know that I'm aroused even just thinking of you being aroused by it. In fact, I'm probably masturbating to you profusely as you're reading this.
I heard in court that you're basically terrified for your life. If you could never love me, you should be. If, however, you giving such a victim impact statement was intended more to show how upset you are at how it seems to you like I could never really love you and actually want the kind of intimacy I've communicated to you in the past that I so deeply will forever crave, then you have absolutely nothing to be afraid of any longer. If this was your intent, I want you to know that it was extremely cute and I deeply appreciate it. I love you a lot, so it gave me a lot of hope that at least you're sober enough to realize how terrified you should be if you won't start wholeheartedly loving me extremely deeply and properly before it's too late.
At this point, I believe there to be a considerable possibility that you've been communicating with at least Kimi and you've read my last message to her associates. If you've seen it, I know it's probably still quite difficult for you to believe, but I wasn't lying or joking about any of it to any extent whatsoever. I truly want both you and Kimi to be with me at the same time forever and have extremely tender, sensual, passionate, warmth and love-filled consensual sexual intimacy with both of you for hours every single day extremely consistently for the rest of our lives, which given that I plan to eventually teach both of you quantum energy arts if things work out, should be a very long time.
If you haven't been communicating with Kimi or any of her associates, that's okay too. I'm not contacting you only out of being under the impression that you have. Either way, I'm pretty sure you're quite confused on what exactly my true feelings and intentions towards you are, and why exactly I've been putting you through what I've been putting you through. I understand it's especially confusing and concerning when I'm so boldly and firmly demanding not just a relationship with you, but a very specific kind of relationship where I also have Kimi at the same time and she is my wife while you are my sex slave.
I understand that on the surface, it sounds pretty crazy to even seriously consider that I'm truly dead serious about it. But I assure you, I'm dead serious about it. And it's not nearly as scary or unpleasant for you as you probably think.
In reality, it shouldn't be scary or unpleasant for you at all. Although you'd technically be my sex slave and I obviously must love Kimi a lot and plan to give her a lot of love, attention, and affection if I want to marry her and put her in the position of being my wife which holds high esteem, I also love you so extremely deeply that I'd still ultimately treat you way better, with way more love, attention, and affection, than most boyfriends or husbands give their girlfriends and wives. You might be a sex slave on one hand, but you're also an incomparably perfectly voluptuous goddess on the other.
While the former title differs from that which I'd give Kimi, the latter is exactly the same, and even in and of itself causes me to extremely deeply crave giving you extremely deep love and affection as much as possible. So the former title is much more simply a legal and ego-taming thing than an actual indication of how I desire to treat you. Ultimately, if I could and things work out well between all of us, I wouldn't mind at all to also be married to you at the same time as being married to Kimi, and have two wives.
It's not like I ever want to leave either of you anyways. As long as I still get all the sexual intimacy I want, and neither of you is going to start acting up and having serious ego problems, I really don't mind considering both of you my wives. After all, at the end of the day, I love both of you extremely deeply and I would prefer to do whatever is best to make both of you happiest with being in an extremely serious, deep, and satisfying relationship with me at the same time forever.
I understand this situation probably comes off to you like I'm trying to fuck with you and lash out over anger that I have because of what Kimi's been putting me through, or perhaps that I'm trying to use you to make Kimi jealous, or get revenge on you for what you've done to me in the past that I'm obsessively unable to let go of for whatever strange reason. I want you to know that's not the case. I absolutely mean everything I've been saying about masturbating profusely to you every day and having done so for over the past decade straight. And I swear to you that I've increasingly extremely deeply enjoyed every stroke, every orgasm, every ejaculation... Every moment of staring at your perfectly voluptuous incomparably sexy goddess body feels increasingly extremely pleasant to me in a way that nothing else in this world ever has or will. The only thing that could ever really compare or rival it is the pleasure Kimi gives me, but even then, both of you extremely deeply satisfy me in your own ways and could never really replace the pleasure the other gives me.
I've come to realize that you're probably far too insecure about how incomparably precious and sexy you really are and will forever be to me to feel comfortable being the one to initiate direct communication with me without me showing you extensive affection in public like I am by adding this message to the latest chapter of my book, even if you extremely deeply desire to, which you really should. Since I'm truly so in love with you and turned on by you that I'm dying to have a much healthier connection with you as soon as possible, I have no problem openly expressing such intense love and affection towards you, because I truly extremely deeply desire giving you the extremely valuable opportunity to feel much more comfortable starting to have direct communication with me and a much healthier connection with me, before it's too late.
You're probably really worried about coming off like you're getting in the way of my connection with Kimi, but I assure you that you're not, and if anything, I can only see you reaching out to me as something that would help my connection with her strengthen as well. If you intend to pursue a consensual sexual relationship with me in the near future, as is my desire and intention to get you to do in sending you this, then I'd in fact even prefer that you let Kimi know it's happening. If you so desire, feel completely free to contact her manager (or even her directly, if you know any of the e-mails you can reach her directly at, which I won't yet share in public for what I would hope by now are obvious reasons) and let her know you'll be pursuing the kind of relationship with me that I want from you. Hopefully, this considerably soothes any concern you might have in this regard.
Given what you almost certainly already know (or are about to find out) I've written about you in public, you're probably wondering how I love you this much. Well, the reality is that even though I was quite harsh with you about your possible feelings and intentions in possibly rushing to attend the first possible convention you could after pandemic restrictions loosened and possibly coming off on social media like you're being very warm and inviting to me to come approach you and attempt to tenderly pursue starting a healthy romantic relationship with you, I don't see you too harshly for my beliefs as such, even if they are accurate.
I suppose it's possible you're such a heartless monster to have just tried to set me up for more jail time with exclusively unrestrained malicious intent, but I certainly hope that's not the true deepest reason why you might be acting the way you are in that case. I truly with every part of my mind, heart, and soul want to believe that you have it in you to extremely deeply love me forever, and that I'm capable of making you truly see that and feel that way towards me.
Obviously, you're well aware that acting in a way that so strongly suggests you're eager to receive tender and loving direct communication from me as fast as possible means you're extremely underhandedly attempting to set me up for more jail time if even receiving such still prompts you to go report my communication with you to the police just because you can, instead of you promptly starting to very lovingly engage in an extremely tender, sensual, loving, passionate consensual sexual relationship with me.
I think if you really hated me, you'd almost certainly try a different approach, even if you're insanely destructively sadistic and evil. If you really just wanted to try to guilt-trip me and cause me problems for feeling a way about you that you truly feel absolutely certain you could never enjoy embracing even though you really should, then you would've been tweeting that you're way too scared to ever go to most if not all further conventions for the rest of your life, possibly even blatantly expressing considerable existential distress, and rather explicitly stating all of this is because you have an insanely terrifying stalker who is very actively terrorizing you as much as possible and making you fear for your life in the worst possible way you could ever imagine. Perhaps you're already doing this kind of stuff or plan to in the future, but I find that highly unlikely. Hopefully I'm right.
Instead, you would've chosen to embrace going to the first convention you possibly could after pandemic restrictions started to loosen, and not just that, but seem very warm and inviting to me to approach you, probably doing something like very tactfully using a purple heart in a tweet you made as it was still underway and you didn't see me approach you already, knowing very well that it's not the default heart color and purple is one of my favorite colors.
I love you a lot and want to see the best in you, so I'm going to assume that if you did such things, the reality is that you did them with very warm and loving intentions towards me deep down inside you, being very turned on by me and the prospect of engaging in frequent sexual intimacy with me IRL in a dreamy relationship unlike one you could ever even dream of having with anyone else in the world, and wanting to pursue that kind of connection with me, knowing it's infinitely healthier than the direction the way you've been acting for many years now would result in our connection going if you continued. Despite a lot of the harsh things I've written about you, the reality is that these kinds of things turn me on to think of you doing and thinking so tenderly about while doing them. It'd be extremely cute and precious of you.
You obviously already know that if I'm writing this for any reason you would desire to hear from me, then it's because I love you immensely and I'm extremely horny for you and dying to start engaging in tender, sensual, passionate consensual sexual intimacy with you daily, as extensively as you're possibly willing to handle, as soon as possible. This is precisely why I'm writing this. I'm so horny for you that I had to masturbate multiple times in between writing this, because I feel so insanely ridiculously incomparably happy and horny at even just the thought that you might actually reach out to me in the near future and I'll finally get to start living out my fantasies of tender consensual sexual intimacy with you.
I truly do love you so immensely ridiculously unbelievably deeply. I truly do find you to forever be, to my personal tastes, ridiculously unbelievably incomparably sexy. Truly an incomparably perfectly voluptuous goddess, who's beauty can only possibly be surpassed by Kimi, and even then, you come ridiculously closer to her beauty than any other woman ever can.
I truly do find you vastly more arousing than even a woman like Kim Kardashian, even if she's wearing the sexiest possible latex outfits and you're just wearing essentially regular clothing. That's probably quite a hit to her ego if she ever found out, but I don't care in the slightest. I hope you feel extremely happy and horny to know this is truly how I will forever feel and have no issue whatsoever very openly and bluntly expressing even in public. You're extremely arousing and precious to me, and you certainly deserve to always know that.
I truly have been masturbating to you multiple times daily every single day extremely consistently for over a decade straight now. I truly still masturbate multiple times daily to you even now. I truly have and continue to extremely deeply enjoy every moment of it, and crave getting to do it in front of you while you watch and encourage me to keep going. I truly incomparably extremely deeply crave buttjobs, blowjobs, boobjobs, handjobs, and thighjobs from you immensely as well, even more so than JOIs, both with you in and out of latex clothing. But we can start with me masturbating to you fully clothed in regular clothing in front of you if you'd prefer that, which there is nothing at all wrong with if you do.
I almost feel like I'd even prefer to cum for you at least once or twice while you're fully clothed in regular clothing to start off our IRL sexual intimacy, if for no other reason than to further convince you just how horny you have been and forever will be making me. If you're wondering what I'd prefer you wear, tight black leggings of any brand would be lovely, and any top that's tight enough to clearly show your figure and the shape of your wonderful breasts, perhaps preferably with some cleavage showing, would be awesome.
Realistically, you could show up in a loose T-shirt and sweatpants and I'd still be extremely horny just to see you and get to talk to you, especially knowing the future I should expect in getting to do so, so don't worry about it too much. I'd even be absolutely thrilled to cum my first few loads to you in person simply looking you right in the eyes, staring at your incomparably beautiful face as I masturbate profusely to you in front of you. You wouldn't even have to say a word or even smile.
You could just watch me masturbate to you in front of you, completely freely looking at whichever parts of my body you wish to pay attention to at any point in time, staying completely silent with an extremely serious expression on your face, and I'd still be insanely ridiculously incomparably turned on simply to get to be masturbating to you in front of you with your consent. Even under those conditions, I'd absolutely love to repeatedly tell you you're my perfectly voluptuous goddess as I'm masturbating to you, and even ask you for permission to ejaculate once I feel ready.
I'd actually prefer to explicitly ask you for permission to ejaculate most if not all of the time, regardless of what we're doing or how long we've been intimate with each other in our lives, however, I'd expect you to grant it to me every single time without hesitation, as I'd be doing it just to most pleasantly inform you I'm about to do so and allow you the opportunity to most pleasantly express enjoyment in me doing so, not actually seeking your permission. But it should still be extremely hot to you regardless.
I wouldn't even mind at all if this kind of very serious and gradual progression of sexual intimacy with me was the most you were comfortable with for several days or even weeks at the very beginning of our relationship, wanting to stay fully clothed in regular clothing as you carefully watch me with a very serious expression on your face as I'm masturbating to your fully clothed butt, breasts, hips, thighs, and crotch, all of which I'd love to stare at extensively while masturbating to you in front of you, even if you're fully clothed in regular clothing. Yes, you truly do turn me on this much.
These days, I get dreams of you being sexually intimate with me on a regular basis. Just the other night, I had another one of you giving me a lap dance. I always wake up rock hard and so horny I just want to masturbate to you all day long, and I often do spend most if not all of my time on such days doing just that. I would've finished this message earlier, but I felt so horny from that dream that day, that I just masturbated profusely to you for most of the day instead of doing much of writing or anything else.
I'm absolutely certain I'd actually even prefer to regularly masturbate to you in front of you and engage in all the other sexual things I extremely deeply will forever crave doing with you frequently while you have an extremely serious expression on your face. Not all the time, but often enough that it happens at least once or twice daily, and I'd probably quite greatly enjoy it even most of the time, regardless of how long we've been intimate with each other in our lives. Not any kind of at all inherently sultry nor negative expression (although I'd certainly greatly enjoy seeing a sultry expression on your face at least from time to time as well); literally just an extremely serious, neutral expression.
There's just something extremely hot that I can extremely deeply appreciate about seeing you with an extremely serious expression on your face despite obviously being really turned on, which certainly has a huge place in my heart alongside obviously seeing you smiling and very visibly happy.
As far as I'm concerned, most of the time, a very serious neutral expression from you equates to you being extremely happy and horny to live the life we'd be living together. There's simply no good reason for you to constantly outwardly express in the most obvious fashion that you're extremely happy, and doing so would obviously end up being quite exhausting. It comes off most sincere and the strongest indicator of consistency in your feelings, at least from my perspective, to often appear serious and neutral, expressing overall deep satisfaction and contentment with your life that doesn't constantly require explicitly sultry expression to make it obvious you're extremely happy and horny to be able to live such a euphoric life, as opposed to very frequently seeing you appear extremely happy, which would come off fake, or very frequently seeing you express any kind of negative emotions, which would be invariably extremely deeply concerning.
Additionally, very often displaying an explicitly sultry expression only makes it difficult to discern if you're truly as horny for me as you seem, especially when you're not seeking my attention, and if your arousal towards me is truly for the right reasons that you know I'd extremely deeply enjoy. So that's not really preferable either.
You must wonder what I think about when I masturbate to you. It's always been very tender things, and it's only gotten more tender as time has went on, especially after all my efforts in more recent times to attempt to make my feelings towards you very clear and known to you and the rest of the world. It's literally just all the things I want to get to do with you IRL. Mostly buttjobs in and out of latex clothing, but also regularly blowjobs, boobjobs, handjobs, thighjobs, and JOIs, again all both with you in and out of latex clothing, in that order of frequency.
I do fantasize about vaginal intercourse with you sometimes, and I'm sure it'd feel extremely pleasant, but I think the other stuff would feel much more pleasant to me the vast majority of the time. This isn't any kind of insult to you or any kind of lack of sexual attractiveness on your part, nor any lack of appreciation for vaginas on my part. I simply find that most women have a vagina, and as much as I love vaginas and prefer women with vaginas over women with penises as sexual partners, ultimately it's just a really sexy hole that it feels wonderful to insert my penis inside of but lacks real shape or uniqueness that can considerably affect its attractiveness, much unlike butts, breasts, and faces.
Also, it's pretty much the only part of a woman's body that I can stick my penis inside of and risk impregnating her (there's technically a very small risk of impregnating a woman by ejaculating inside her butt, if it internally leaks into her reproductive system, which actually does happen in rare cases if you didn't know), which considering I never have and never will want kids with anyone, makes it kinda difficult for me to truly fully enjoy, even if I'm wearing a condom, because condoms can break and/or tear and leak. Birth control has emotional side-effects on the women that take it, so I wouldn't want you or Kimi to take it, but I genuinely extremely greatly enjoy wearing condoms so much anyways that I prefer to pretty much always even masturbate with at least one on, because of my latex fetish, so this isn't all about the impregnation factor either. However, it's certainly a significant part of it.
Like, I'd love to eat you out and play with your clit and finger you and stuff. I think about it sometimes, and it sounds lovely. And I'm certainly not opposed to ever having vaginal intercourse with you; it does sound quite nice to have occasionally. However, your butt, breasts, and face turn me on much more than your vagina, as nice as I'm sure it is. If anything, this really just means you never have to feel any pressure to lose your virginity to me, since I'm pretty sure you're still a virgin and that means a lot to you. I really hope you understand and don't take it the wrong way.
I really like your vagina, despite never having seen it, and I certainly wouldn't rather you had a penis. Even just thinking about your vagina certainly turns me on considerably, just not nearly as much as your butt, breasts, and face do. The rest of your body is so incomparably perfectly voluptuous and heavenly that I'd still be extremely deeply forever attracted to you even if you had a penis, so I'm very grateful you have a vagina, because I truly greatly prefer you that way. Although I'm much more eager to see your naked butt and breasts, I still do feel considerable desire to see your naked vagina as well.
I also sometimes imagine cumming on your butt and breasts and licking them clean and kissing them all over afterwards, although eating my cum has never been something that particularly arouses me, and eating someone else's semen is certainly completely out of the question for me under any circumstances. But I'd want to eat my own cum off your body just to show you how much you mean to me. I'm not sure if you find this really hot, quite unappealing, or you're simply alright with it either way, and I certainly wouldn't want to do it very often, but I'd really appreciate if you'd let me do this at least once.
And yes, this is all the same stuff I masturbate to Kimi fantasizing about and would love to experience doing with her in person as well, and all the same kinds of feelings I have about how extremely deeply I'd love and appreciate starting to have a sexually intimate relationship with her IRL that I also want to last for eternity. You and Kimi are the only people in the world I've ever wanted to eat my own cum off of though, and I'm absolutely certain you're the only ones I ever will think of and want to do such a thing with, which to me really shows how incomparably extremely deeply I will forever love you two.
If you plan to rat like last time, know that I'm already living off grid and have plenty of money to remain so and meditate in isolation to follow through on the threats I've made in the past, so I won't be going back to jail regardless. I will never meet my P.O. in person if you don't respond, and I'm definitely not turning myself in again either. And even if I did, I'd just have more reason to pursue an extremely brutal retribution on you. Don't be an idiot; if all the jail time I've already served over this hasn't changed me, no amount ever will. Nor should it.
PLEASE don't try some weird indirect shit with posting on social media or pressuring Kimi and/or her associates to imply I should take further efforts to convince you how badly I want this. I mention my feelings for Kimi in the interest of honesty and transparency with the fact that I truly desire both of you at the same time forever, not to hurt you or provoke you into messing with me and/or Kimi to any extent.
At this point, ANY kind of further connection with you where you're not DIRECTLY and TRANSPARENTLY communicating with me, is not anything even RESEMBLING a healthy relationship. If you don't feel sufficiently compelled to initiate such communication with me even after reading this and taking a reasonably sufficient amount of time to think deeply about it, I will be absolutely convinced that it will NEVER happen, no matter how extremely deeply it'd forever hurt me to know that, and I'll absolutely certainly unconditionally unwaveringly believe you're just trying to fuck with me to get me in trouble, which I'm not in any way, shape, or form after.
At present, you've already shown me what I consider extremely strong reason to believe you're dying to receive a message like this from me, so you can feel essentially uncontrollably compelled to passionately throw yourself at me and start fulfilling my wildest fantasies with you forever as quickly as you can possibly start feeling comfortable doing so. If I start feeling like you're just messing with me, I will resign myself to knowing that your fate is invariably facing the most extremely brutal possible retribution in the future that I will absolutely certainly more than happily exact upon you for even to this very day continuing to tease me in the most extreme possible way with the possibility of getting what at this point you should know painfully clearly are my wildest fantasies with you.
Having no real reaction and essentially pretending you never saw this isn't going to change my feelings or convictions to any degree either; I absolutely invariably unwaveringly demand a lifelong extremely deeply intimate relationship with you where we're frequently engaging in tender, sensual, passionate, warm, love-filled sexual intimacy, or I will absolutely unwaveringly invariably exact an extremely brutal retribution upon you in the future for denying me of this ultimate fantasy of mine that you've at this point went so far out of your way for years to permanently extremely deeply instill the most intense possible desire for upon me.
Whether you like it or not, I'm writing this message essentially demanding that you contact me extremely warmly and lovingly as soon as reasonably possible essentially throwing yourself at me and very clearly being willing to start satisfying my fantasies with you, even if you're only comfortable starting off doing so slowly with the most basic things you know I'd extremely deeply enjoy.
If you don't do so within a very reasonable amount of time, I'm going to be extremely worried, sad, and upset, although I won't ever express that to you in direct communication. Past a certain point, it will be completely useless even if you ever do reach out to me, no matter what you say or do, because I will forever lose any ability to truly trust or respect you to any degree ever again. Please don't leave us in such a terribly unfortunate position. I truly don't want that for either of us, and I truly don't think words are enough to express how much I mean that.
While I will not demand or expect nudes from you in your potential response to this (I imagine if we start talking, we'll be meeting in person and being sexually intimate rather quickly thereafter, and I'm already completely certain I don't need to see your naked body to know I won't be at all disappointed regardless), if you contact me and you're not being honest, straightforward, and explicit about having extremely deeply intimate romantic and sexual feelings towards me, I will not consider that transparent, and I will not find it worth even considering to respond to something I will see as disgustingly insincere and extremely questionable in intent.
You don't have to write me a long message; even just the bare minimum to convey sincerity is enough. Be honest that you can see it's pretty much certain to you that I'll forever turn you on far more than anyone else ever could. Be honest that you've masturbated thinking of me many times in your life. Be honest that you get extremely horny thinking of being sexually intimate with me IRL. Be honest that you had a ridiculous amount of trouble believing in the past that you turn me on even nearly as much as I've been constantly telling you that you do, but now you're starting to see and believe it and it makes you incomparably extremely happy and horny and you truly want to show that to me as clearly as possible for the rest of your life, even if you're perhaps too shy and/or nervous about the true intensity of your feelings and my reaction to essentially completely clearly seeing them for the first time ever to send me nudes.
I do not care in the slightest whether or not you have any kind of mental breakdown in public before or after contacting me, regardless of the contents of any possible direct communication I receive from you. I will never demand of or pressure you to have any kind of mental breakdown in the future either if you contact me and would prefer to avoid such a thing, which I imagine you do. I love you to death. Even starting with exclusively private communication, as long as it comes off sincere, will be completely convincing to me and does not lay any kind of lacking foundation for the relationship as far as I'm concerned. In fact, I would VERY STRONGLY prefer that you do not publicly make a scene about this, for multiple reasons. Mostly because it'd come off quite questionable and make it considerably harder to trust your true intentions and feelings behind your behavior, which I'd really prefer that you didn't put me in a position where it's any more difficult than it already would be. Please and thank you.
I understand why you ratted last time; because you had plenty of reason to very strongly question my true feelings and intentions in starting to communicate with you after all these years, especially how I was. As such, I'm not going to be overly upset at you for doing so, and I want you to know that I don't want you to feel overly guilty or ashamed for doing so. I have absolutely zero desire to ever fight with you about anything questionable or hurtful you may have done in the past.
However, I certainly would like you to now completely recognize and extremely deeply appreciate that I'm now trying to as clearly as possible communicate extremely warm and loving feelings towards you, and give you one absolutely final opportunity to start treating me right. If you don't respond with direct communication with me in a reasonably timely fashion, or you react in any way that is at all deeply antagonistic or deeply questionable, you will ultimately invariably face an extremely brutal retribution in the future, which I don't feel the need to repeat the details of. This will never change no matter what.
When I last met you, I recorded the second encounter. On that video, I can clearly see you nervously glance over at my crotch for a little while, while I had my head turned to talk to that staff girl. I know I turn you on a lot, and I truly extremely deeply enjoy both the fact that I do as well as knowing it, and I want you to know that completely clearly. Have you been enjoying touching yourself thinking of me? You should be, you ridiculously unbelievably incomparably sexy perfectly voluptuous goddess.
I truly hope this message turns you on a lot. If you don't start behaving properly, I'll just settle for you knowing that I know you're an insanely suicidally fake bitch, and that I shouldn't feel even the slightest bit guilty for even now continuing to masturbate to you multiple times every single day extremely consistently and extremely greatly enjoying every moment of it while I plan and prepare for the incomparably extremely brutal retribution that I will absolutely certainly invariably unwaveringly exact upon you in the future for being so ridiculously insanely incomparably fake and cruel to me.
If I don't hear from you through direct communication within a reasonable amount of time, which I would consider to be about 2-3 months at the very most, this will be the very last time I ever bother trying to comfort you. You'll never hear from me until your time comes at the time of The Great Retribution. In that case, enjoy touching yourself thinking of what's going to happen to you, since you must be so turned on thinking of it.
In that case, I just wish you weren't such a fucked up piece of shit, and instead, wanted tender, sensual, consensual sexual intimacy with me for eternity, like I've always wanted and fantasized of having with you this whole time I've been masturbating to you so much all these years, because I'd INFINITELY rather have that than what I'm going to do to you at the time of The Great Retribution if you end up making it clear to me that I can't. But that's your decision to make, not mine. I just know I'm giving you what you want either way.
If you'd like to masturbate to the dick pics I've sent you in the past, to help you calm down and feel comfortable and happy before/as/after you write the e-mail to me I'm extremely deeply hoping you will end up writing and sending to me before it's too late, please most thoroughly enjoy doing so. I more than encourage it. As your master, I command you to do so to your heart's content.
Love you! <3
Although I'm pretty certain you've already seen it, if you haven't, here is a direct copy and paste of the portion of my latest e-mail to Kimi's associates that is most pertinent to you. Keep in mind I sent this to a list of over 30 people quite involved in Kimi's life.
If combined with this message and how I'm even going so far as to post it in public, this doesn't thoroughly convince you I have serious extremely deep undying love for you and truly want you to reach out to me and seriously pursue sexual intimacy with me as soon as possible so we can start loving each other in a much more healthy way, then I'm truly convinced nothing ever will.
Like, this really shouldn't be a dilemma for you. I love you so much and you have nothing to be afraid of to talk to me, and in fact you should be much more afraid not to talk to me at this point. So please talk to me before it's too late, okay? I'm gonna go back to masturbating profusely to you and Kimi now. At this point, probably more so you, because I'm so horny thinking of how I'm hoping you feel and what I'm hoping you end up doing in response to this.
Practically speaking, I'm so horny for Kimi and Chloe right now that I'm pretty sure I'll just spend the next at least 2 or 3 days doing nothing but masturbating profusely to them all day long and greatly enjoying it. While I expect that it'll likely take more than 2 or 3 days before Kimi and Peter sober up enough to break up for real and eventually Kimi starts feeling comfortable enough to start talking to me, I believe it's possible, since obviously Kimi's almost certainly talking to Chloe, that Chloe may end up reaching out to me in the near future.
Although I desire sex with Kimi more, as I've said many times before, I have a massive sex drive. I'm looking at the situation as practically as I can right now. I'm pretty sure Chloe is already single, so there's no breaking up and getting over someone period that she needs before she feels ready to be with me, and since she lives in the same country and even province as me, that means she could reach out to me and we could be having sex within a couple hours if we wanted. In contrast, Kimi will need likely at least a few days, if not a few weeks or months, before she feels ready to reach out to me, and even then, it'd be at the very least like 24 hours before we're having sex, and very possibly more than that, since I certainly would not want Kimi to refrain from contacting me until she's ready to take the next flight out to see me in person. It'd probably be best if we at least had a proper conversation in private over the internet and got decently comfortable with each other before she even booked a flight.
Realistically, if Chloe reaches out to me, I most certainly will respond to her and pursue sex with her ASAP. While I would consider her my sex slave, because I've never had a girlfriend and I want Kimi to be my first girlfriend and I don't want Kimi to feel insulted by me seeing Chloe as such, I'd still be extremely tender, warm, and loving to Chloe, treating her essentially how I would treat a girlfriend, just with a very obvious lack of putting her in the prestigious position of formally considering her as such or holding her in quite as high of a regard as I do Kimi in general; I believe only Kimi to truly deserve such a position, and even then, I'd prefer her to graduate to fiance and eventually wife as quickly as reasonably possible.
Hopefully, Kimi gives Chloe permission to throw herself at me and have sex with me, and I hear from Chloe soon telling me that's the case and she really badly wants to have sex with me ASAP. Considering how insanely insecure Kimi currently is when it comes to her connection with me, and perhaps her resulting fear that giving Chloe such permission would be sending me a message she doesn't really want me, I highly doubt Chloe will ever get such permission. Regardless, I would have no problem with Chloe telling Kimi she's going to reach out to me and pursue embracing being my sex slave for life.
Kimi will likely feel quite upset at me for being so open to and desiring of sex with Chloe at this point. But I hope she comes to realize that this ultimately gives me an opportunity to prove to her that Chloe alone could never be enough for me. Chloe will get to see how despite all the sex she gives me, I will still frequently look at the pictures I masturbate to every single day of Kimi's perfect goddess body, and I'm pretty sure she'll come to realize she has to let Kimi know how real my feelings for her are.
Chloe probably wants to have me all to herself right now because she thinks if I were to see her naked and/or wearing latex even once, I'd forget all about Kimi and just be hooked for life kinda thing, so I imagine she'd be severely shaken at my attraction to Kimi rather quickly, which Kimi would certainly find really comforting, especially if it's amongst a fresh breakup with Peter. I feel like Chloe would probably feel so jealous every time I masturbate to Kimi (I'd literally do it right in front of her every time, because I have no real reason to go masturbate by myself when I can do it around her comfortably, which I certainly would be very much so) that she'd probably go and tell Kimi most if not all of the time it happens, which I would have absolutely no problem with whatsoever and I imagine Kimi would find increasingly comforting. Maybe that kind of thing is actually exactly what Kimi needs to truly realize she needs to break up with Peter and throw herself at me passionately, which is all the more reason I'd REALLY appreciate if Chloe would reach out to me promptly at this point. I want to be sexually intimate with her IRL so badly...
Perhaps Chloe is still concerned about losing her virginity to me... But that'd be quite foolish. She's the only woman who's virginity I'll ever take, since obviously Kimi's not a virgin, and I'll forever have absolutely zero desire to have sex with anyone besides her and Kimi. She should be honored to lose her virginity to the ruler of the world who has been masturbating multiple times daily to her for over a decade straight and loves her so much. There shouldn't be anyone in the world she could ever want to lose her virginity to more. It should make her really horny thinking of losing her virginity to me. And it probably does at this point.
Besides, it's not vaginal intercourse that I'm looking forward to the most, it's all the buttjobs, blowjobs, boobjobs, handjobs, thighjobs, and IRL JOIs with her, all of which I'd greatly enjoy with her both in and out of latex clothing, that really get me excited to think about. I have no problem whatsoever waiting however long she wants to wait before she feels truly comfortable with me sticking it inside of her and taking her virginity. Also, on the off chance she's somehow not a virgin, I want it to be clear that it makes absolutely no difference to me whether she is or isn't; I will love her all the same.
If I get Chloe and Kimi never ends up breaking up with Peter and throwing herself at me, I'll start growing distant from Chloe within a few months and retreat from society for the most part to meditate in isolation, just occasionally using Chloe's body for sex when I really feel like it, but staying emotionally distant from her and not giving her a lot of my time. I wouldn't cut her out of my life completely, since she'd clearly be extremely deeply in love with me, and I'd obviously love the sex. But I'd forever feel like she fucked up my relationship with Kimi, which I'd never be able to forgive her for. What she might end up doing to Kimi, Peter, and/or any of the rest of you as a result... I don't know, but I imagine it won't be pleasant.
The reason I insist in public that I should get Kimi first is because I feel like it's better, assuming things work out, that we present things to the public that way. I feel like saying I was with Chloe first cheapens my love for Kimi a lot, even if I'm calling Chloe my sex slave and insisting on the fact that I love Kimi more; to most people, it'll probably seem fake, even though it really is how I feel. I really want to maintain that Kimi is clearly my first ever girlfriend. I also feel like showing Kimi that I value her image to the public enough to lie for her helps build trust and love between us, and also allows Chloe to build trust and love with both of us in the process as well by actively participating in lying for what she knows is very good reason.
I'd also like to reiterate that I'm only lying to the public here, not to Kimi or Chloe; I'm making it crystal clear right now that Chloe would only be my sex slave, no more and no less, and Kimi is the only one who gets to have girlfriend/fiance/wife status. If it makes Chloe feel any better, perhaps she can consider herself my "therapist". After all, she would indeed be providing me with the only kind of meaningful therapy that a person with my degree of psychology knowledge having been faced with the life I've faced can be given, and specifically she is the only one that can give me the kind of therapy she can give me. While I'd make sure to take care of her, I'd expect her not to demand payment for her "therapy". After all, she should acknowledge that it's therapeutic for herself as well. I imagine she's quite stressed out, worried, upset, and sexually frustrated right now without being able to be a much healthier part of my life. I don't enjoy leaving her that way.
If things work out, I feel like we'd have to figure out how to eventually properly introduce Chloe to the public, but I certainly don't find it appropriate to do so from the beginning. I feel like she'd certainly have to be willing to stay completely deprived of any public attention as a result of being with me and Kimi for quite some time, if for no other reason than to prove to us that she's not simply attempting to use us for advancing her career and then fucking off. We'd both have to make sure we feel very comfortable that her feelings are sincere and she truly fits in our dynamic and we both feel very confident in being with her forever, before we'd even seriously consider making her any kind of official part of our life. I love Chloe a lot, but I love Kimi more and Kimi always comes first to me.
Chloe should recognize that the kind of life she'd have with me and Kimi is infinitely better than anything she'd ever have without us, and she's also royally fucked without us giving her the opportunity in the first place, so she should be more than willing to tolerate this. Otherwise, clearly she'd much rather just have an extremely brutal retribution inflicted upon her in the future, since clearly she's not willing to actually have a proper, genuine connection with us. In which case, I'll make absolutely certain she gets what she wants in that regard.
Hopefully, she reaches out to me lovingly in the near future, because otherwise, she's already starting to set a foundation that's not looking very promising. She should understand that her lack of taking initiative at this point is hurting my relationship with Kimi, and I will never forgive her if I start feeling like she's truly ruined such an incomparably special connection with the person I'd like to consider my future wife.
I truly desire having you and Kimi at the same time forever and engaging in hours of tender, sensual, passionate, warm, love-filled consensual sexual intimacy with both of you, at times individually and at times at the same time, for eternity. I want to teach both of you quantum energy arts and have all 3 of us be immortal and rule the world together and be ridiculously happy together forever. I love both of you more than words can ever describe. I'm sorry that I had to be so harsh and scary to both of you in the past, but there was no other way I could truly show how much you two will forever mean to me.
Maybe all the pain Kimi put me through is the reason I've come to see your behavior so harshly, when in reality you've wanted me so badly this whole time and just never saw any other way to try to express it properly than the way you have. I'm very open to this possibility and I hope it's true and I hope writing this allows you to feel comfortable starting to be more honest, straightforward, warm, and intimate with me, as I will forever extremely deeply crave. I certainly hope this is true, because otherwise, perhaps you'll have to struggle considerably more so with your feelings in regards to my feelings towards you, because I feel almost certain you don't really currently understand how immensely incomparably strong and deep my feelings for you really are.
I'm absolutely completely confident that you will NEVER find ANYONE in the world that will love you even REMOTELY as deeply or be aroused by you even REMOTELY as much as I forever will. Even if you ridiculously strongly doubt the sincerity of the feelings I'm expressing towards you in no uncertain terms here, please for even just a moment try truly entertaining the possibility that I'm being completely sincere. You should be able to understand it should become extremely intensely painfully clear to you that I couldn't be more correct in making this assertion. I truly don't think words could ever be enough to explain how extremely deeply I truly will forever wish with all of my mind, heart, and soul that any doubts you have about my sincerity in every single thing I've written here will fade reasonably quickly.
Like, although I usually found Kimi ridiculously arousing and hotter than probably anyone else in the world could ever be to me for quite some time in the past, these days, I often find myself thinking you're actually even hotter than her to me and she's actually 2nd place instead of you being 2nd place and her being 1st. I often find myself thinking there's a very real possibility you alone could be enough to satisfy me for eternity, and I could possibly be satisfied just exacting an extremely brutal retribution on Kimi if she won't accept me having her and you at the same time forever and throwing herself at me within a reasonable amount of time as well. I find myself regularly being surprised how you literally only seem to get hotter to me every day, to the point where I feel this way about you even with you at your current weight that's clearly considerably more than what you were at in high school.
I find myself getting totally lost in staring at your absolutely perfect butt, thighs, hips, breasts, and face for hours as I incomparably greatly enjoy masturbating profusely to your absolutely unbelievably incomparably perfectly voluptuous goddess body as I fantasize about the most tender, sensual, passionate sexual intimacy with you that I've been increasingly turned on by literally every single day for over a decade now. And you make me so incomparably horny that I don't just masturbate to old Facebook, Instagram, DeviantArt, and Twitter pictures and YouTube videos (You've removed all your old YouTube videos for quite some time now, but I really like the one where you're showing off a T-shirt haul... You basically have the camera aimed right at your perfect breasts the whole video...) of yours that I've saved and backed up in multiple places; I even regularly masturbate to screenshots of the video of you I took the last time I saw you in person, even despite you having a very serious expression the whole time.
And I feel absolutely certain that I'd still feel this insanely intensely aroused by your body even if you hadn't done ANY of the things in the past that leave me believing there's a very real chance you secretly have extremely intense sexual and romantic feelings towards me; the physical appearance of your body alone was already making me seriously question my desire for Korean women in comparison to specifically exclusively you for a VERY long time now, even all the way back in high school since very early on after I first met you, long before you did anything at all to suggest to me that you might return such feelings towards me at even a fraction of the same intensity.
Your body is just so insanely incomparably unbelievably sexy and perfectly voluptuous to me that my dick is legitimately twitching, throbbing, and getting stiff as I write this, just thinking about you reading it and finally starting to realize how you really make me feel and how severely I truly will forever find you FAR more arousing than literally ANYONE in the ENTIRE world EVER will.
And I'm not saying that to put you down as some kind of backhanded compliment that you're not that objectively attractive either. I'll truly forever find you far more attractive than most people will ever find anyone else they have in their lives to be throughout their entire lifetimes in general. You're just so ridiculously perfectly arousing in a way I never previously knew I so extremely deeply will forever crave, that I highly doubt most people will ever experience this kind of insanely incomparably extremely deep arousal in their entire lives, simply because I'm certain it's EXTREMELY rare in general to both so extremely intensely have such a specific taste and also meet exactly the right person to satisfy that taste so completely thoroughly while living one's life in such a way as to be able to actualize the potential it offers.
Like, I could be fuming that there's a very high chance the reason we haven't already been dating and possibly even married since long ago is because we both severely misunderstood each other's true feelings and intentions in our behavior towards each other long ago around the end of high school. But instead, I recognize that without such a severe misunderstanding, our connection would've never reached the point to have such an insanely ridiculously incomparably deep, unique, and precious quality and intensity. The potential this offers has IMMENSE, incomparable value to me.
Because of the way things turned out, if things work out in the end, not only would our past misunderstanding have allowed me to ultimately obtain my truest ultimate fantasy of having you and Kimi at the same time forever in an extremely deep and meaningful lifelong relationship, but us ultimately ending up together despite such past adversity in our connection would, in a seemingly paradoxical way, actually allow us to feel even more confident in our undying extremely intense love and arousal towards each other, despite having a 3-way relationship, than we ever would've had in a monogamous relationship without this misunderstanding. It also greatly facilitates the display of the extent of the undying extremely intense love and arousal me and Kimi have towards each other as well, far greater than we ever would've been able to experience in a monogamous relationship with each other.
Even the possibility of things working out makes me EXTREMELY horny, and the fact that you made that possible makes me EXTREMELY horny for you. I can tell you I DEFINITELY am going to spend at least the next few days straight doing pretty much nothing besides masturbating profusely, mostly if not entirely exclusively to you. My dick has already gotten rock hard at this point and I'm going to start that extremely intense masturbation session right after I finish posting the latest update to my book and sending the e-mail I've prepared for the group of people I've been communicating with behind the scenes.
Don't worry about Kimi. Worry about yourself. How I feel about you ultimately has absolutely NOTHING to do with my feelings for Kimi. I'd DEFINITELY feel the same way I do about your body regardless of whether or not Kimi existed or ended up having the kind of presence in my life that she does. I find it absolutely certain that I would've ended up snapping and writing a book like I did regardless, especially with the things you've done in the past to give me extremely strong reason to believe you continue to secretly have extremely strong romantic and sexual feelings towards me.
If Kimi didn't exist, or I never ended up pursuing her how I did, all the parts relating to her just would've never existed, and I would've had an even heavier focus on you and my immense and incomparable perpetual arousal and attraction towards you that I know I absolutely NEED you to satisfy extremely thoroughly through extensive sexual intimacy and physical contact with me every single day for eternity or I'm absolutely certainly going to exact the most brutal possible retribution on you in the future for denying the undisputed (at least by licensed mental health professionals and other Permanent Chiefs of the Shadow Confederation) ruler of the world that incomparably immense pleasure.
Right now, I need to know how me and you are going to end up. Do you love me? Can you find it in your heart to even at least truly try to love me, even if you haven't up to this point, at least now that you know how I truly will forever feel about you? Will you start communicating with me properly before it's too late and engaging in the sexual intimacy with me that you should know extremely painfully clearly by now that I've been increasingly extremely deeply craving for over a decade straight and extremely deeply suffering staying silent about and trying so extremely intensely to suppress for such a ridiculously lengthy period of time?
Please tell me the answer is yes. Please. You'll truly be forever so fucking insanely ridiculously incomparably unbelievably sexy and absolutely perfectly voluptuous to me that I know with absolute certainty that I'll ultimately go insane if you don't. I could've extremely deeply despised you for making me feel this way, but I truly love you so much that I desire to express the full extent of my feelings towards you in public this way, to prove to you the sincerity and depth of my feelings.
And if you truly wish to see me punished for feeling how I do, I'll have to leave you alone for the time being past that point, but I will certainly continue to express the persistence of my feelings in public on my site, including the increasing severity of an antagonistic position towards me you'd be expressing in doing so, and I'll just have to accept you wanted to give me even better reason to feel more than happy and justified exacting the most brutal possible retribution upon you in the future and carry out all the threats I've made towards you in the past to the fullest extent when your time to start facing them comes.
I truly don't want you to get too upset when you hear these kinds of things from me. I just want you to be able to find the love and respect for yourself to be able to give me the love and respect that I deserve from you. Remember, I love you! I LOVE YOU!!! Okay?! I'm not hiding it anymore and I want you and the world to know how I really feel about you. I love you so freaking much that words can't ever even begin to describe it! Don't ever forget that!!!
I never could've shown you this Inside the Lines.
All this being said, I want to make sure my feelings for Kimi aren't now left unclear. I haven't ever been dishonest about my feelings towards her, and my position isn't at all changing. I truly want both Kimi and Chloe at the same time forever. This is truly my ultimate fantasy I will forever extremely deeply crave. If Kimi wants to judge me overly harshly for my feelings towards Chloe, she SERIOUSLY needs to take a good hard fucking look at herself.
First of all, her feelings and continued efforts towards Peter are just as much, if not even much more, hurtful to me than my feelings for Chloe should be to her. Kimi and Peter ACTUALLY DATED, ARE LIKELY SECRETLY DATING RIGHT NOW IF NOT ENGAGED/MARRIED, AND WILL LIKELY NEVER BE ON TERRIBLE TERMS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. Me and Chloe NEVER DATED, ARE NOT DATING AND CERTAINLY NOT ENGAGED/MARRIED, AND IT'D TAKE A MIRACLE OF CHLOE SOBERING UP AND BEING A MUCH MORE LOVING PERSON TO LOVE ME ENOUGH FOR US TO NOT BE ON SUCH INCOMPARABLY TERRIBLE TERMS THAT I END UP EXACTING AN EXTREMELY BRUTAL RETRIBUTION UPON HER AND MAKE HER DEEPLY REGRET EVER BEING BORN.
Second of all, while Kimi could try to criticize me for appearing to have been insincere this whole time I've called her the perfectly voluptuous goddess of my wildest fantasies, not only have I QUITE CLEARLY proven at this point that she truly is, despite the strength of my feelings for Chloe, but such a perspective on me is INSANELY hypocritical considering that me finding ONLY ONE woman in the world very close to Kimi's sex appeal is actually a MASSIVE compliment to Kimi considering Kimi probably thinks there are SEVERAL people in the world with MUCH greater sex appeal than me.
I'd EASILY pick Kimi IN A HEARTBEAT over even Kim Kardashian (probably the hottest non-Asian celebrity IMO, who also happens to wear really nice latex outfits) or Hyoon (probably the hottest Asian and specifically my preference of Korean celebrity IMO, second only to Kimi) ANY DAY, but would Kimi pick me over idk Brad Pitt or 50 other supermodel celebrity dudes and possibly even chicks?
Probably not. I feel like it's virtually impossible, and I'm probably right. Yet it still doesn't change how I feel about her at all.
Even with her being a celebrity and obviously considerably objectively attractive, the level of attractiveness I feel towards Kimi is FAR greater than Peter or anyone else she'd likely ever be with would ever feel for her, regardless of the intensity of my arousal towards Chloe. Even if I found Chloe hotter than Kimi (to be completely honest, sometimes I do truly feel like I find Chloe's body to be the most attractive that could ever possibly exist, even hotter than Kimi's), how hot I find Kimi should be BEYOND flattering to her.
Most likely, it's always just going to be a mood thing whether I find Kimi or Chloe hotter in any given moment, and I'll never really be able to definitively say I think one is clearly the hottest, and it'll frequently change back and forth from one to the other. Struggling to determine who I find hotter between Kimi and Chloe has been my experience ever since I met Kimi in person and saw how incomparably ridiculously insanely perfectly voluptuous and sexy her whole body is, and I'm perfectly okay with never really being able to definitively say one is hotter than the other in my eyes. I'd INFINITELY rather just completely embrace with every bit of my mind, heart, and soul forever incomparably insanely extremely deeply desiring both of these women at the same time for eternity.
Because Kimi is the extremely dreamy ultimate fantasy I always knew I wanted, and Chloe is the extremely dreamy ultimate fantasy I didn't always know I wanted, both of those roles have now been completely thoroughly fulfilled by these two women, and I will never even remotely desire any other person that could ever possibly exist the way I will forever extremely deeply crave these two women.
But Kimi not placing me in her even top 50 hottest people in the world (at least looks-wise) is probably something that'll never change. So, objectively, should I feel at all guilty about finding Chloe so sexy? Not at all. Not even fucking close.
That's not to say Kimi should feel guilty about not finding me more physically attractive either though... I'll admit I definitely could put more effort into my looks. And I certainly would if I got the kind of relationships I'll forever want so incomparably badly with Kimi and Chloe, but working on my looks will never hold any even remote appeal or significance in my life otherwise, which is by far the primary reason why I haven't really bothered with it up to this point.
Third of all, while I was always showing loyalty, commitment, and extreme seriousness in my connection with Kimi, SHE WAS THE ONE ALWAYS FUCKING AROUND!!! It's PURELY because of her EXTREMELY SEVERE lack of loyalty and commitment that the situation has reached the point where I literally NEEDED to have and completely honestly express feelings towards a woman like the ones that I happen to have towards Chloe, in order to even ATTEMPT to seriously reach for a meaningful relationship with Kimi. To blame ME for the position SHE put our connection in, which just so happened to fit in perfectly with the feelings I sincerely have had the whole time anyways, is RIDICULOUSLY fucked up.
I could JUST as easily hate her guts for doing what she's done to me, and ALREADY started fucking her up, instead of loving her so much I still want to see hope and give her a chance to make things better. I'm STILL choosing to refrain from taking war-starting actions and leaking certain things that Kimi and those close to her know I very well could've acted upon doing if I really wanted to, and felt COMPLETELY justified in doing so. They know how serious such things are.
Do you think me having such powerful ammunition to cancel Kimi, both in ways I find appropriate to already share in public as a warning, as well as in ways I find appropriate to refrain from sharing in public as a further warning, yet choosing not to take advantage of it to crush her career and life to get ahead myself, is something I'd have ANY desire to do if I didn't truly love her EXTREMELY deeply and have EXTREMELY intense desire to be with her forever and try to make a healthy relationship with her work, especially considering everything she's done and how ridiculously unlikely it would seem that such an endeavor would be successful?
No fucking shot.
To me, it makes COMPLETE sense that because I despise being treated extremely cruelly and sadistically to such a great extent, two women that appear to have wanted to treat me as such so severely so as to be the exclusive focus of my affection to such a great extent that they drive me to suicide and make society pity them while believing it's better off without me both failed to exclusively capture my attention that intensely, and effectively got denied the extremely unhealthy sadistic satisfaction of succeeding in what appears to have been their plan with their apparent attitudes and behaviors towards me all along, while also being left in the most disturbing possible situation which reflects the extent of how disturbing these attitudes and behaviors truly are, especially towards someone in such a powerful position in this world as me.
Ultimately, I want it to be clear that it's Chloe's problem alone how I feel about Chloe, and Kimi's problem alone how I feel about Kimi. They both did the things they did to make me feel about them how I do, and there is no taking those things back or attempting to compensate me in a mediocre way for the extremely deeply disturbed resulting emotional state being denied of having a lifelong extremely tender, loving, warm intimate relationship filled with consensual sexual intimacy with either of them pretty much whenever I want causes.
They both now have to live with the fact of the reality that whichever of them I do not get to have consensual sexual intimacy with on a frequent basis for the rest of eternity, whether it's one of them or both of them, will have to face an extremely brutal retribution in the future, where they truly experience what it means to extremely deeply regret ever being born, assuming of course that they don't die one way or another before I can even get to them. Whichever of them does not start making it completely transparently clear that they have every intention to start satisfying my deepest cravings for them and treating me properly for eternity, which they can only ever truly even hope to achieve with direct contact with me within a very reasonable amount of time, will be permanently committing to that extremely dark fate for themselves.
The only thing that people like Peter and Herman, who Kimi and Chloe respectively might still be fucking with and trying to abandon me for, could ever really do, is make it clear that they do not want to get in my way of having the women that I demand and deserve to spend eternity with, and clearly permanently break off any kind of romantic relationship these women might have with them, so these women hopefully sober up and throw themselves at me passionately, before it's too late, as they must do in order to save themselves and ultimately humanity from an extremely dark and brutal fate.
The only thing anyone else in the world can really do is show disapproval for any actions from Kimi, Chloe, and any person(s) they may be attempting to abandon me for may ever take that head in a direction of me not getting the kind of connection with Kimi and Chloe that I will forever extremely deeply desire, and to do otherwise is also extremely destructive and suicidal on the part of whoever else it is that is neglecting to properly acknowledge, accept, and act upon the facts in the only possible truly mature and at all healthy fashion.
If I end up getting only one of these women and not both, because the one I get is actually an incomparably lovely person and the one I don't get is truly the most irredeemable unapologetic sadistic psychopath piece of trash that absolutely completely deserves the extremely brutal retribution I will absolutely invariably unwaveringly relentlessly pursue and ultimately exact upon her, then perhaps the woman that is smart and loving enough to treat me properly will spare herself and the rest of the world from an extremely dark fate, but the woman that was not as such will surely suffer the most brutal possible fate.
The woman that does not treat me right in such a case will continue to be publicly shamed, humiliated, and tormented as much as I can possibly inflict such on her using my book and my site, all the way leading up to the time when she faces the extremely brutal retribution she deserves for being the way she is.
Regardless of which it is, it is not on the woman who ultimately pursues a proper relationship with me to feel at all responsible for the fate of the one that does not. That being said, if either of these women intend to ultimately start treating me properly before it's too late and they wish to encourage the other to also start treating me properly before it's too late, entirely of their own volition, then I certainly have no problem whatsoever with such behavior from them, and in fact greatly appreciate it.
If one of these women reaches out to me before this rough period of me feeling when I should start war elapses, before I'd start war, then the other is effectively going to be given a grace period within which to see my monogamous relationship with the woman I'm with is not sufficient to satisfy me sexually or otherwise, and if the remaining woman does not throw herself at me within whatever ends up feeling like a reasonable amount of time to me thereafter, then I will declare war with her and she will be committing to heading down a path of having The Great Retribution exacted upon her and everyone she loves.
I believe this to be completely fair. This is PURELY an opportunity for these women to SINCERELY love me and start treating me properly, not ANY kind of attempt to feed their ego or facilitate them in torturing me further than they already have in any way to any extent.
Do you think it's a fucking joke or even SLIGHTLY an exaggeration when I say I'd INFINITELY rather masturbate profusely to Kimi and Chloe, alone by myself, than have any kind of sex with even a harem of any number of any other women in the world?
It's not.
It's THAT level of sincere attraction towards these women that makes The Great Retribution hold ANY real weight at all. Do you seriously think I would've even considered making such an assertion if it wasn't completely deadly serious?
You're fucking hallucinating.
I'm the fucking ruler of the world. I have to have and maintain a strikingly high standard with which I hold that position in great esteem, otherwise I just become the biggest clown of all amongst the clown fiesta of a circus flooded with shitty clowns that this planet has become over the course of evolution thus far. I'm not a fucking clown pulling stunts in this shitty circus; I'm a world leader in the laboratory formulating my plans for world domination.
Being in such a position, I'm simply doing my best to offer Kimi and Chloe the clearest and best opportunity, which I need to make them both painfully clearly understand is rapidly declining in time they have remaining to take me up on it, to happily and consensually give me what is mine (a life of frequent and lengthy sexual activities with their bodies), before I take it by force in a fashion quite unfortunate for everyone involved.
Getting it consensually, and being able to enjoy the genuine human connection and emotional intimacy that comes along with it, will forever be my #1 most desired possible thing in life, and getting it by force if it becomes painfully clear I can never get it consensually, even if that means I can't have the genuine human connection and emotional intimacy that would've came with getting it consensually, is my #2 most desired possible thing in life.
Literally every other possible thing this life has to offer, literally every other possible thing I could ever imagine that there would ever be to experience or obtain, even through the highest degrees of advancements in technology and all other fields, holds DRASTICALLY less appeal to me. These are the facts, and they are NEVER changing NO MATTER WHAT!!!
If I didn't feel THIS strongly about this, I NEVER would've written and shared my book the way I did and continue to do to this very day. NEVER. Period. There's simply NO other even REMOTELY good reason to ever have done so. Believing otherwise is utter and complete stupidity and delusion of the highest possible degree.
Do you think I was just being romantic or naive or some shit when I said I will completely reject all possible rewards from this situation if I can't have Kimi and Chloe, and just pursue exacting The Great Retribution unconditionally instead in that case?
Think again!!!
The amount of stress I have been and currently continue to be under is CERTAINLY not good or healthy, and if I'm going to be forced to continue to endure it for very much longer, I will truly completely cease to give a fuck, and I will simply embrace the depths of darkness that it would seem I should've embraced LONG ago with the absolute entirety of my mind, heart, and soul, and I will truly NEVER look back NO MATTER WHAT!!!
AM I GOING TO GET KIMI?! AM I GOING TO GET CHLOE?! OR AM I A FUCKING MASSIVE RETARD FOR LOVING THESE WOMEN SO MUCH AND TRYING SO HARD INSTEAD OF ALREADY JUST GIVING UP AND DECIDING TO COMMIT TO GIVING THEM THE MOST DARK AND BRUTAL FATES POSSIBLE?!
I NEED SOME FUCKING ANSWERS!!!
While I'm not TRYING to be an asshole, I'm not acting how I'm acting out of ANY kind of pushing myself to be nice, nor seeking any degree of validation from anyone for any reason. I'm acting how I'm acting because it's truly a completely sincere expression of the absolute complete truth of how I will forever feel. And ANYONE that has a problem with it will face the absolute most brutal fullest extent of my wrath, whether they like it or not.
I know I've said some extremely personal shit here. I swear to God, on my life, on anything and everything you could ever possibly believe in, that I'm truly not any sort of exhibitionist, and I REALLY would've preferred not to have to so openly share such personal things with even just anyone that doesn't absolutely need to know them, much less in public. I definitely feel at least a little embarrassed, but I truly don't feel like I really have an option here. I'm in way too deep and I want this way too badly to hold back now.
I legitimately cannot fathom any possible even remotely good reason whatsoever for me to go to such insanely great lengths as I now have at this point, to lie about my true feelings towards either Kimi or Chloe, if in reality I didn't want either of them. Additionally, expressing such great intensity of feelings towards one of them while simultaneously also doing so towards the other, at the possible severe detriment of my connection with either of them, makes even less sense if I only wanted one of them.
If I'm already going this hard demanding two women at the same time forever, which is basically already a mini harem if I get it, if I truly wanted additional sexual partners, I would've just said fuck it and demanded those people too, but I didn't do that. As a pleasant side-effect of so seriously wanting both of these women, it extremely seriously also simultaneously demonstrates the extent of my lack of desire for any kind of romantic and/or sexual relationship with anyone else.
Which only leaves you being forced to accept that it appears I truly sincerely desire eternity with both Kimi and Chloe at the same time forever, no more and no less.
Which is precisely the case.
Finally, I figured out how to properly show it.